Eliot quotes from Leverage

Hey, we beat up some dancers.

Eliot

Dancers?

Yeah.

Eliot

Those were Mexicans.

“A night of tango celebrating the culture of Venezuelans.”

Eliot

The first two guys were Mexicans.

They’re Venezuelans.

Eliot

Twinkle-toes back here knows a little more than how to do the tango, all right? They aren’t dancers.

We messed up they whole career -- all screwed up. Let’s just check the room.

Eliot

All right, this bar is the last address, man. Maybe I should handle this one by myself.

So, what, you don’t need me, either, now? You don’t need me?

Listen to me, okay? So Parker’s out with a handsome guy, okay? And he’s also a thief and also does cool thief “stuff,” and you’re the computer geek, dude --

Is -- is that your pep talk? Are you kidding? Wh-what the hell’s going on? Really?

It’s a little rough, but the fact --

It’s a little rough? A little rough? As a friend you’re dead to me. Please, do go on. What are you trying to say? I’m not exciting? What is it?

That’s not what I’m saying. If I said that, then that means I would be thinking about you and Parker, which I never do.

Than say what you need to say. What are you saying?

Maybe you’re slow-playing it just a, just a little bit.

I’m slow-playing?

You know what I’m sayin’.

Like, I need to be more assertive or something?

Assertive is good.

More assertive?

Yeah, focus.

Like the definitive Dexter’s dictionary definition of -- All right, cool. That’s all I need. That’s all I need.

Come on.

You know what? I got this.

Go ahead, say it. Go ahead.

Sophie

I-I’m just saying--

Saying what?

Sophie

--he loves her.

Oh, come on. Men like that treat people like possessions. You should know that.

Sophie

Oh, just because he’s rich doesn’t mean he’s heartless.

Of all people, you’re actually --

Sophie

He was wrecked. You don’t have a romantic bone in your body.

Oh, really?

Sophie

And you’re one to laugh. You don’t even bother to learn their names. They’re just waitress, nurse, stewardess.

Eliot

First of all, it’s flight attendant, all right? They don’t like being called stewardess. And, second, I know their names.

Sophie

What?

What?

Parker

Three-way fight?

Eliot

Want me to teach you about the wines again?

That's just hurtful. Just...just making assumptions and presumptions that I don't know what I'm-- Yes, I need you to teach me about the wines again, yes.

They were married less than a month later.

Sophie

See, love at first sight.

Eliot

Yeah, she wanted to get hitched before the background check came through.

Parker

Let's go steal a sweetheart.

Eliot

[shakes head]

Parker

A widow?

Eliot

Nah.

Parker

A spider? A spider.

If you let me run the con from the beginning, you would have found out that the Madsens melt down their daily intake of gold and ship it out to their brokers at the end of every day. That vault is almost always empty.

Eliot

So you knew it was empty. Hardison, I'm gonna tell you something. I want you to listen to me very carefully, okay? You ever pull this again, I am gonna personally make sure you're off this team, 'cause I'm gonna break every bone in your body!

Now, what I did was hack questions from the Kleinfeld-Ochs psych indicator into his applications.

Eliot

What?

Parker

It's a test designed to measure preferences in how people perceive the world. You know, I had a lot of psych exams as a kid. They're actually pretty easy. Well, sometimes I made my doctors cry, but...

And I've got a surprise. Bam! Code names for us to use on the comms during the mission. Parker, you're "Gold." Sophie, you're "Silver," Nate, "Mercury," and Eliot, "Mr. Punchy."

Eliot

You kidding me with that one?

Eliot

All right, that's pretty good.

Sophie

Off to the US Patent Office, then. Let's go steal a--

Parker

Let's go steal a time machine.

Eliot

No, you don't steal--

Parker

I'm gonna steal the time machine.

Right now, I have to get inside that building.

What's your plan?

Well, I'm gonna pull the fire alarm, then go in as my arson-investigator alias.

Eliot

Frank Petrino? The arson investigator with the limp?

I didn't say it was a great plan.

Parker

It might be easier if he's asleep.

Eliot

You want me to put him to sleep?

HEY! I'm standing RIGHT HERE.

Eliot

Yippee-ki-yay, mother--

Jimmy

Found it!

Quinn

Can I hit him?

Eliot

Which one?

Quinn

Either one.

Eliot

How long before video nails us?

Facial recognition software takes about seven minutes to tag us, give or take.

Eliot

Seven min-- Damn it, Hardison!

What part of "give or take" do you clearly not understand?