Eliot quotes from Leverage

Parker

Can't we just get another heart?

Eliot

[looking annoyed] From who?

Eliot

You carry high heels in your purse?

Sophie

I always travel with heels.

Eliot

Don't suppose you travel with handcuffs?

Sophie

No, not on this trip.

Look, man, this is like stone knives and bearskins, okay? Nobody's asking Eliot to fight a guy with a Nerf sword.

Eliot

Damascus, 2002.

Like you've been to Damascus.

[on how they're going to steal an airline employee badge] We're gonna twist Sophie's ankle.

Parker

[asking how to get another badge] How do we get do that? Break Eliot's wrist?

What? No, we just pick one up from where the ground crew left it.

Sophie

[discussing the final step-getting into the airline tower] Well, we have to lure them out...

Parker

Oh! Okay, set Nate on fire?

Eliot

[looking annoyed] Settle down!

It's a girl's badge--

Eliot

Man up!

[over comms] Eliot, try not to kill Sterling, we may need him.

Eliot

[looks indignant] I can't promise that!

Sterling

[glances at Eliot] What was that?

Ever been quail hunting, Hardison?

Do I look like I go quail hunting?

Eliot

Let me ask him something. You ever played a video game where you go quail hunting?

You see, the birds, understandably, they don't like to be shot-

Parker

So they hide in the bushes. When you hunt, you have to beat the bushes with a stick. That way, you scare the birds into the sky, and there's a man waiting there with a gun and good aim, and he... [makes a gun cocking sound] ...picks them off.

That is seriously messed up. Why would y'all tell me something like that? [to Parker] Why do you know that?

[Showing his tattoo] Semper Fi. You know what it means? In English? Most people don't.

Eliot

It means "always faithful."

That's the promise a Marine makes to his country. They don't tell you it only goes one way.

Eliot

If this country was known for keeping its promises, we wouldn't need Marines, would we?

[Laughs] You got that right, brother!

Hey, and it is a valid strategy.

Eliot

It’s not strategy, man, it’s just annoying when you bet every hand.

Eliot

Living in your own head, Nate, the only conversation you have is with your crew, that ain’t right.

Yeah, name one person you can have a conversation with who isn’t on this team.

And don’t say Maggie.

Eliot

Look, I got my friends, my buddies from the service. I mean, hell, even Hardison’s got his little… internet friends, even though they’re all elves and gnomes --

They’re orcs, I said orcs, man, you just don’t listen.

Parker

You remember Peggy from that jury duty job? Technically, she’s Alice’s friend, but --

You’re Alice.

You’re Alice, actually.

Parker

She moved here from Boston last year so we've been doing brunch and other normal people stuff.

Sophie

And we're very proud of you.

Parker

Well, brunch isn't hard. I mean, there are forks.

Parker

I just uploaded some photos to my sky drive. Can you run that face thing that tells you if people are bad?

You mean the one that took me six knockdown, drag-out months to hack?

Parker

Yeah.

Girl, I’m trying to prove my manhood with my boys. You know what I’m saying? With my boys.

Parker

Please?

H-hang on.

Eliot

Hardison, you in or out?

What? (pulls up Parker’s SkyDrive on his laptop and runs facial recognition software) Oh, oh, okay. Parker, Craig Mattingly. He’s wanted for burglary and grand larceny in a whole bunch of countries. He is trouble. And he he’s got some strikingly good features, squared-up jaw and everything. P-Parker, what are you doing with this guy?

Parker

Thanks. You’re the best.

Wait. Parker, wait. I –

So, what kind of work you in, Shelly?

If I told you, I'd have to kill you.

[laughs] Yeah, right.

Eliot

Yeah, he really would.

Eliot

Yeah, he went to jail, then escaped.

Shouldn't that bug you?

You get used to it.