Eliot quotes from Leverage

Eliot

[Over the comm] You better be ready, Quinn.

I bet you were born ready, right? Come on, dude. I know you want to say it. [With a graveled voice] "I was born ready."

Quinn

I don't know how Eliot does this.

Quinn

Next time give me the gun. I'll be your Huckleberry.

Eliot

I love that movie.

Quinn

Who the hell doesn't?

Eliot

To be honest, when you're not on the receiving end of it, watching him [Nate] mess with somebody's head is pretty impressive.

Yeah. He's like one of those aliens that feeds off of people's fear.

Look, all I care about is the signal we received. Do you think you can decipher it? Mister...?

Eliot

Riker, Willy Riker. Willy Riker is my full name.

You know, Fermi's paradox says that it's improbable for other life forms to exist.

Eliot

Yeah? Well, Drake's equation shows that orbiting around the hundred billion stars in our galaxy there's up to ten thousand planets with technological civilization. [Smiles at Hardison who gives him a surprised look] You never know when you might have to fight an alien.

[singing to a remix of the alien signal] Two good ol' boys behind the wheel, chasing down bad guys in Lucille. [repeat]

Eliot

All right, everyone, listen up. Come down to table 2 and line up. The chef who was gonna be with you today has booked another gig, so I am your new instructor.

What's your name?

Eliot

Chef!

Eliot

Nate, it's not drugs Lampart is dealing. It's bigger, a lot bigger.

If it's not drugs, what is it?

Eliot

Truffles.

Think about it. Levitating food could replace--

Eliot

I will stab you in the neck!

Don't hate the barbecue, hate the sauce.

Eliot. Not worth it. Give him to the cops.

Call off your dog. He's crazy.

Eliot

Crazy? I'm gonna cut your freaking head off and serve in on a platter.

Serve his head on a platter, huh?

Eliot

Was it too much?

No, actually, I liked it.

Eliot

I felt like it was a lot. Like, right when I said it, I felt like I may have gone too far.

Sophie

Did you know about this, girls being dropped from 20 feet? It's unbelievable.

Parker

I know, right? 20 feet. Pfft, walk it off.

Sophie

Parker, you do know that normal people don't just walk off a 20 foot fall, right?

No.

Eliot

I thought it was funny, Parker.

No way in hell was it funny.

Eliot

You were always upside down, man.

I fell off a building, yeah I was upside down.

Eliot

Like a pinwheel, like a Himalayan tree frog.

You call me a frog?

Eliot

[makes popping sounds while gesturing with his hands]

You call me a damn frog?

Eliot

Pop pop and upside down. Yeah.

Say it to my face.

Guys, maybe focus. Guys, focus.

Damn frog.

Sophie

I love government. Shady deals, back-room meetings. It is grifter paradise.

Eliot

This is wrong. We work outside the law, not smack-dab in the middle of it.

Relax, Eliot. Elected officials are the easiest marks in the world. Between their ego, the greed, and the politics, more hooks than a bait shop.

Ready. Ready. Ready. Ready. Ready, let's go.

Ready?

Ready!

Sophie

Ready.

Eliot

Ready.

Parker

Ready.

Let's go.

Eliot

Erickson doesn't strike me as a mob guy.

Because he's not. No, he establishes mob ties as a get-out-of-jail-free card. So, if the day ever comes that the SEC discovers his stock fraud....

Parker

He'll trade his mob records for immunity and a new identity. Sweet!

Parker

I mean, evil. And clever, but bad.

Eliot

[As he's digging a hole] After sunset, this field is gonna be completely dark. No clear sight lines from the road. First thing to find a body out here would be a coyote--

Sophie

Okay. Now I'm scared.

Eliot

I'm here.

Sophie

Eliot, you're what's scaring me.