Hardison quotes from Leverage

Eliot

The tall one? The way he used a knife? Ex-Marine. Probably Force Recon.

You ID'd a guy off his knife fighting style?

Eliot

It's a very distinctive style.

What I did before, nobody got hurt.

Sophie

I stole paintings.

Parker

I never hurt anybody, either.

Eliot

I actually hurt people, so…

Sophie

When men are telling the truth, they're not looking me in the eye. A man only ever looks a woman in the eye when he's making the effort to lie to her.

Eliot

Well, you can't argue with that.

Noted and filed.

You know, I, I, I still think it would be easier for me to just hack the bill in a printer queue.

No, no computers, no. A bill is put into a wooden box on the Congressional floor called the Hopper.

A wooden-- Whoa, whoa, whoa. A wooden…a wooden box?

A wooden box.

Wood?

Yeah.

Oh, we can put a man on the moon, but all our laws go into a wooden box.

I mean, break a law, everybody’s done that, my mama’s done that, but steal a law. Oh, she’s gonna be a legend, baby!

Parker

The eagle has landed.

It’s in!

Uhn! Go ahead, girl! Sexyness! Unh. Rrrnnn.

Might want to ease up on that a little bit.

Just saying.

Yeah.

Between me and you. Between me and you.

Never leaves the room.

Eliot

There it is. It’s 541.

Hold up Rambo. So, no lasers, no motion detectors, no vibration sensors, no--whoops.

Whoops? What whoops?

There’s a webcam, I’m picking up its broadcast on my phone.

Parker

Oh, I see it. Up on that pole.

I just have to spoof the IP address and overlay a digital duplicate over the WiFi…

Or that.

Eliot

Let’s go, come on.

I’m sorry it was too far away for you to punch, I’m sure that really frustrates you.

Parker

They changed the lock.

Just do what you do. I mean, whatever, what you need, ah, uh…

Nah. Uh-uh. Stop all that playing. Hell no.

Open it.

Okay, I see what this is. This is racial. This is about my ethniticity, ain’t it? Uh huh. It’s cause I’m Jewish...Just cause a brother likes matzoball soup, what’s wrong with that? Sammy Davis…

Dr. Laroque

Is this stolen?

Sophie

Not anymore.

Dr. Laroque

What are we supposed to do with it?

Sophie

Pay for Corporal Perry’s rehab.

And some other guys’ rehabs.

Parker

Pretty much whatever you want.

Doc, a cute blonde shows up with a couple million dollars, I say we take the win. Thank you.

Eliot

Corporal, Thank you. Thank you.

Dr. Laroque

The world doesn't work this way.

So change the world.

Anybody who wants to walk away can do it right now.

Eliot

One more.

Maybe two.

Parker

I bought a plant.

Nice. Team spirit.

Parker

What does it do?

Eliot

I can’t believe you gave all your money away. You didn’t buy yourself anything.

Oh, I bought a car.

Probably a station wagon.

An electric car.

Eliot

Of course.

Sophie

How sweet. Do you have to wind it up?

Uh, just trying to be responsible.

Responsible? You know it sucks being the good guys, right?

You haven’t figured it out yet, have you? Just cause you’re the good guys now, doesn’t mean you can’t have a little fun along the way!

Parker

Woo hoo.

Sophie

Oh boy, midlife crisis.

Eliot

Absolutely.

Definitely midlife.

Parker

Totally midlife crisis.

Electronic locks, electronic throttle, power steering, keyless entry...uh, you know what runs all that?

Parker

Computers?

Oh, yeah.

Sterling

Hello? Police? Listen, I'm at the racetrack. Yeah, I just passed a black van. I can't be sure, but I think I heard screaming from inside. And there is blood, like, all over the back of the doors. Sure, yeah, they could have had guns. Who knows? Yeah, a black van. Yeah, sure. I'll hold.

Parker

How did--he's like Nate. Evil Nate!

We need a horse that can run like a champion.

What about that horse from the other day? Uh, Kentucky Fried Chicken.

Eliot

Kentucky Thunder.

That's what I said.

Oh, we steal an actual championship racehorse in order to fake another championship racehorse.

Yeah.

Ooh, I like it.

See, you're not dead, good.

Parker

Don't be silly. Horses are much less murderous than I originally thought.

Eliot

Hey. Sophie's here. What do I tell her?

Anything but the truth.

Sophie

Hey.

Eliot

Hey.

Sophie

Thank you so much for coming to my play last night.

Eliot

Oh.

Parker

Last night was awesome.

Sophie

Thanks, Parker.

Parker

Yeah, it was like a horror movie. Attention must be paaiidd.