Hardison quotes from Leverage

"He who sells miracles will have the Devil knocking at his door."

Parker

What is that, a proverb?

Fortune cookie.

Parker

Wha…?[Parker looks at him in disbelief]

What? It started with "He who."

Parker

He who looks for hidden money shall find it. If he is also a thief.

Baseball?

Yeah, we're gonna steal this ballpark. [pause] And then the team. Not necessarily in that order.

Eliot

I left early, man. Huh? Bottom of the ninth.

Excuse you, rudeness. I'm explaining the con. It's very complicated.

Eliot

Really? The mayor gives us a check and we deposit it in some company you connected back to him and it looks like he's embezzling from his campaign funds. [Give him a fake gasp and then turns to Nate] Bottom of the ninth, man. I had to walk off a single, man. Crowd goes nuts.

That's—that not all there is, okay? We got—there's—there's the Bonnano thing. We got—

Eliot

What? We give Bonnano's notes to the newspaper, man. [to Nate again] They named a sandwich after me at T.J. Philbman's.

Tara

Ah.

Parker

Ooh

Eliot

Huh?

I give it to you, man. A sandwich is pretty cool.

Tony Kadjic's the one who pulled the trigger. I want to know exactly what he's up to and where he is.

And how do you propose we do that?

Let's go steal a mayor.

Tara

I hate to cut goodbyes short, but they're playing my song.

Eliot

Keep out of trouble.

Or if you want to get in trouble again...

Eliot

He don't wanna do it.

Parker

Aw. But I love jumping on elevators!

I know.

Parker

This is my special elevator rig you got me for Christmas.

Nate, did you find us a client in prison?

Yes, we are going to help Billy Epping and maybe take down a warden at the same time.

So we're on this.

Yeah. [grins] Well, we were always on this. I just wanted you to explain to me why. [Rises up and walks away]

You know how I feel about mind games, Nate! Negatively! [turns to see Eliot grinning] What are you looking at, lurker?

Eliot

Nobody else thinks it's weird that you can just buy anybody's yearbook online?

You know, it's real cute, man, how you still believe in privacy.

Eliot

Getting bullied in high school is not an excuse for propping up dictators. Look, take Hardison. He got bullied his whole high school career. He's not a criminal.

Sophie

[At the same time] Um, uh, think about that.

Parker

[At the same time] Yeah, he is.

Eliot

Not a bad criminal.

Hey, what makes you think I was bullied in high school?

Eliot

FYA, you got a Green Hornet doll!

First of all, it's a limited edition action figure. Second, it's Green Lantern. Educate yourself.

Sophie

An assassin? Nikki's an assassin?

Yeah. I guess we weren't the only ones with the bright idea to pose as alumni. This chick's connected to wetworks jobs all down the east coast. Russian mob, Italian mob... There's a New Zealand mob?

Now Wakefield's a big player in the world cereal market. And by cereal, I mean wheat, corn, rice, all that stuff.

Sophie

So it's a grocery store.

Yeah, if Godzilla's a gecko.

All right, guys, it's a party. But before we rescue Parker, we've gotta find out where she is.

Nate, you do realize the entire building is looking for Parker? I mean the actual, physical building is looking for her. Look, any cameras that I piggyback, any sensors that I access, anything I do to find Parker, could lead the bad guys right to her.

All right, so what's your play?

Wh-what's my play?? Nate, I'm hacking a security system that the Pentagon calls overkill with a laptop I found in the back of my car!

I am the Super-Skrull. Okay? I have all y'all's skills. I hack, I grift, I thieve.

Eliot

Do you fight?

I have a dog for that. Name's Megabite.

You know what you've done? You asked me to play the violin in front of people!

Yes, well, you said you were good.

As a child! That was ten years ago!

Oh, c'mon, c'mon, Hardison. Listen, you know, told me you could do anything. You told me you were Super-Skull!

Skrull. Skrull. Get it right. Super...Super...Super-Skrull. Who has the combined powers of the Fantastic Four. One of whom is not Itzhak Perlman!