Hardison quotes from Leverage

Eliot

[as Hardison pretends to punch him to the floor] Next time, I play the thief.

I'd like to hear you do an accent.

Eliot

[irritated, as he takes another punch] I'd like to hear you do an accent!

Tara

Either I'm in, or Ruth is out. It's your choice. [Leaves]

They're gonna hate this.

Eliot

I hate this.

You do not let Vicki Vale into the Batcave! Ever!

She checks out. Civil rights lawyer. Does a lot of pro bono work. Collects lost causes like kittens.

Eliot

Well, she's honest.

Crusader. Incorruptible…

…And one sexy librarian.

So you help out by lying to us?

I wanted to see just how good you really are, and show you just how good I am. You could consider it my audition.

Parker

I bet you're not even a lawyer.

Tara

Aw, Sophie was right. You are adorable.

Sophie

Look, we didn't get along when we first started. And Eliot, how long did it take before you trusted me? Hmm? Eliot, you do trust me, don't you?

Eliot

That's not the point, Sophie.

Sophie

The last time one of you tried to grift, you wound up kidnapped by Russians.

Eliot

That's this brother right here.

Parker

Hardison.

Uh, we, we still can't let that go?

Sophie

Listen to me. Tara Cole is the best. I wouldn't have sent her if I didn't trust her, and I know you're going to love her. So just…just give her a chance.

Eliot

She is hot.

She's very hot.

Parker

Hot.

Parker

Warm? Cold? Why are we staring?

Eliot

What?

Is that…Is that mascara? Dude, you got on guy-liner, man. And the leather pants, what the—

Eliot

This is, listen, this is fashion-y.

If you're Steven Seagal.

Eliot

Don't. Don't!

Not everybody can rock the scarf.

Tara

I was gonna say Steven Tyler, but Seagal works. [Chuckles again]

Parker

What kind of crook was your dad?

Parker, you just…

He ran numbers.

Eliot

Let me get this straight. So, you—you stop stealing, you stop drinking, and you moved upstairs from a thief bar?

Parker

He did. I-I get that. You don't get that? Why does nobody else get that?

Is that my jacket?

You know what, man? You're lucky I'm not wearing your underwear. And the next time y'all call me, it better be for something easy. Like faking a moon landing.

Whoa! Yeah, baby! Yeah! That's what I'm talking about right there! Yeah!

Tara

Okay, I didn't realize you were quite that into basketball.

Ba—Basketball? Woman, we just pulled off 'the Wire' in the time it takes to get a pizza delivered. This is a big win. Big. They gonna talk about this one.

Using the Liams' cell phone, able to map the GPS fingerprints of their recent calls and analyze their patterns and movements throughout the city—

Eliot

Led us to a warehouse. We're in it now.

Wai— I-I'm sorry? Led you—Led you to the warehouse? I had two cell phones in two minutes. Do you know who else can do what I do? CIA, MI6, and me.

Two weeks in Tokyo. We'd have a great time.

Parker

What are we stealing?

We don't steal anything. We'd be tourists.

Parker

Not following you.

Parker

So, I took your advice and did the whole touristy thing. Went to the museum, and it was amazing.

You see?

Parker

Yeah. They have a Guardian T-840 Security System. I've only seen those things in books. And the motion detectors—ooh, gorgeous! Six digital receptors. Six!

What about the paintings?

Parker

What about the paintings?

Parker

Interpol? Seriously?!

Sterling's career gets another boost off of our hard work.

Tara

We didn't even get paid.

Nope.

Tara

I hate this guy.

Eliot

Now you're part of the team.

Tara

Damn.

Damn.

Tara

He is good.

He should be shot.

We need more boxes.

Parker

And a lot of luck.

Eliot

Yeah, well, I think we used up all our luck on finding this place.

Wha—Hold, hold, hold on, man. You know what? It ain't luck, okay. Finding the perfect place to end a treasure hunt is a testimony to my intellectual prowess.

Ow!

Eliot

What? It's baby clothes.

It says 'books', man!

Eliot

[grinning] Does it?

Tara

They do make a cute pair, don't they?

Let's see, we got, we got assault, kidnapping, and burglary for our friend, Kusen. Garden-variety fraud for our psychic friend, Dalton Rand. Any way we can get them in the same prison?

That could be arranged.