Hardison quotes from Leverage

Eliot, give me everything you can on a Lt. Abbot. Just, just do what I taught you.

Eliot

Now the http thing comes before the www, right?

Eliot!

Eliot

And which one's the forward slash?

Sophie

Come on.

It ain't the time, Eliot. It ain't—it ain't the time.

Eliot

You see, it's not that much fun when you're hanging out there in the wind and there's a dude behind a laptop cracking jokes, is there?

Parker

Loch Ness monster?

Loch Ness submarine.

Parker

NO!

Eliot

Yeah, those waters are cold and deep. It's the perfect place to test.

Parker

Area 51.

Eliot

True.

False. [Looks at Eliot] False.

Eliot

It's true.

No, she said Area 51.

Eliot

I'm sorry. False. Area 52.

Been there.

Eliot

[over comm] Hardison, we got a problem.

What kind of problem?

Eliot

They're MRI-ing my pizza and their stance says ex-CIA.

You can tell somebody worked for the CIA just from how they stand?

Eliot

It's a very distinctive stance!

So 'pizza delivery guy' was your big plan.

You know what, man, it was recon, okay? Information gathering has historically been a very safe and peaceful business. And it was a food company. It wasn't like it was making weapons.

Listen, I worked insurance for companies like this. Anyone who gets their hands on the company’s food patents could cost them billions. And by the way, they guard that stuff better than defense contractors.

This is the vice president of the frozen foods division, Erik Casten. Erik with a K, Casten with a C.

And how is that relevant?

Parker

Oh. Eric with a C? Nice and friendly. Erik with a K? Evil.

Sophie

I didn't know that.

Parker

Everybody knows that.

That's our way in. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. That's it. That's it. The state of the company meeting, here we go.

Eliot

What is that? I don't know what that is.

Parker

Me neither.

It's like State of the Union?

Sophie

What is that?

Oh, right, right. You guys never had real jobs.

Parker

You picked his pockets without stealing anything. Cool.

It's what I do. A man, a phone, no limits.

Eliot

A man, a phone, no action. Come on, man, you left that out there like a hanging curveball!

Eliot

How long is this gonna take?

As long as it has to take. You know, I was just pulled up to the ceiling of an elevator by my pants, so do not take that tone with me!

Sophie

Nate, remember? Remember that great run in Moscow?

That great run? I chased you for three months.

Sophie

Well, uh, technically, you chased us. Sorry.

Are you saying that…you saw other teams before us?

Parker

So really he was just another Nate, before Nate.

Eliot

[To Nate] Let me ask you a question. What bugs you more, is it the fact that he was with Sophie first or that he outsmarted you?

Moving on.

Sophie

Those were some nice things you said at my funeral.

We trust Nate to make sure the plan works. We trust you to make sure we're all okay.

Cha0s. I heard you were in jail. Guess I was wrong.

Hardison. I heard you sucked. Guess I was right.

You were scared to fight a girl.

Eliot

She'd mop the floor with you, Hardison.

I don't care.

Eliot

Seriously, she actually killed a guy once with a mop. It's a funny story, actually. She broke the mop and took…

We know their strengths, we know their weaknesses—

No, no, no, I have noted a distinct lack of weaknesses!

All right, nice work guys. Tomorrow when he [Kerrity] shows up with the diamonds, state police will be there.

Eliot

Why, so they can arrest Hardison's ego?

Be cool, baby. Ice cool.

Parker

There's no way Hardison's gonna be able to break into that vault.

What is Hardison gonna do?

Hardison's gonna pretend to break into the vault.

Eliot

Yeah, well, hopefully the Russians will only pretend to kill him!