Hardison quotes from Leverage

Yeah, you know, I'm sure the reviews will be... (Sophie hands Hardison her phone) …on the news website already.

Parker

(grabs the phone) Really? Wow. "Never before has a production of 'The Sound Of Music' made me root for the Nazis."

Sophie

No. No, no, no. Stop it. There is nothing you can say that's gonna make me feel better.

Parker

I know what could make you feel better. We should steal something.

No, no.

Sophie

Yes! We could do it together.

Eliot

I like this. Get right back up on the bike.

Parker

Bike of crime.

Didn't you earlier tell me how great your new lives were?

Parker

I stole the Hope Diamond.

What?

Parker

And then I put it back. Yeah. Because I was bored. Didn't care.

I spent three days hacking White House e-mail. No buzz.

Sophie

See?

But we are doing some hinky stuff in Pakistan. Hinky.

Sophie

Look, I'm miserable, they're miserable. [to Eliot] Okay, what-what have you been doing the last six months?

Eliot

…I was in Pakistan.

You see what you did? You took the world's best criminals, hitter, [Eliot points] hacker, grifter, [Sophie raises her hand] thief, [Parker raises her hand] you took us and you broke us.

No, no, I…what I did, I taught you how to help people. That's, that's all.

Parker

Exactly.

Sophie

Yeah

Eliot

This is the problem, though, with being the good guy. You…you…it gets under your skin.

Sophie

Look, Nate. You have to some poor little lost soul somewhere that needs a little extra-legal aid.

Look, we all…we agreed that we would just move on.

Sophie

Yeah, but…we're…we're thieves.

I did look for you. For six months.

Parker

Done. The key. Done.

Parker

I think people are like locks. Really complicated and frustrating. But you can't force them. You have to take time and be fiddly.

Fiddly?

Parker

You learn to be patient, and just wait until you hear the... (the lock opens and the door swings wide)

Parker

We could open every box in here with that key.

Focus.

Parker

We could steal everything. Clean them out.

Focus.

Parker

I'm just saying.

I'm just saying.

Now, this is not gone. This is more.

Yeah, I, uh, I scanned the documents in Leary's box, but I wanted to print out a few pages.

I asked—I asked Eliot to get rid of this stuff. Now there's more stuff.

Did you? Oh, we-we crossed, but didn't see each other. He didn't tell me.

Oh, that's how you're gonna play this?

Sophie

Wait, so if these are supposed to be just fake businesses, how come their financials are so squeaky clean?

Because they're fake businesses. I mean, come on, it's right there. I mean, I'm just saying.

What? Sophie, how, how do you catch mob guys?

Sophie

Uhh, two glasses of Chianti and a story about my grandmom in Sicily.

How does the government catch mob guys?

Taxes.

That's how they got Capone.

Sophie

That's how they get everybody. Yeah, they never get you for the crime; they always get you for the taxes. It's not really fair.

I mean, it's perfect. You know, I don't even think it's illegal. I mean, if we were gonna do this, this job—

Sophie

Just this one job.

Yes, just this one.

Sophie

Yeah.

I mean, the con that you'd want to do...

Hypothetically.

...hypothetically, you know, is, the turnabout, of course.

Sophie

Oh, that is a good one.

Eliot

You know, it takes… five people to do the turnabout.

Sophie

That's true.

Parker

Hmm.

Sophie

There's just the four of us.

Parker

Need one more person.

We've got to scare the banker into turning against the mob. All right. All right, we'll do this job. Just this one.

Sophie

Oh, well.

If you really want.

Sophie

If you insist.

Parker

Great.

Sophie

We're on board.

Eliot

This detonator. If I'm around the corner, is this going to be in range?

Should be. I haven't worked out all the kinks yet. Sometimes the thing just goes off.

Eliot

Whoa, whoa, wait! Hey! I thought you said this thing was safe!

Mostly, mostly safe. I was very specific. Sometimes the frequencies get messed up.

Eliot

What frequencies, man, huh? I got these things in my pants.

Like a, you know, a garage door opener, car alarm.

Parker

What are the odds that Eliot's crotch will actually explode?

Eliot

Dammit, Hardison!

Sophie

Still your last job?

Well, maybe…

Sophie

Yeah?

I mean, you know, until I find a job I like enough, you know, to stay out of the bars.

Idle hands are the devil's workshop.

And then I'm out. I'm done.

Parker

Sure.

Eliot

Yeah. 'Cause you're not a thief.

What event are you here to produce?

On it. Tractor pull in Grand Island…a livestock show in Council Bluffs…white people doing other white people things…

Looks like an ordinary cell phone, right? It's not, man. It's a metal detector. See, it uses pulse-induction technology that sends out a current that generates a magnetic field, and then…are you even listening?

Eliot

Yeah.

Well, what'd I say?

Eliot

You were explaining how you're still a virgin?

Listen, we still got to get Fowler out of the apartment so that we can get in.

Parker

Except now when he leaves, there'll be someone waiting to kill him.

Man, one of his victims wants payback more than he wants to be paid…back.

Yeah, Sophie's gonna be doing this one.

Eliot

What?

Yeah.

Sophie

Yeah. I'm gonna be Nate on this one. Only, you know, nicer.

Parker

But if you're gonna be Nate, who's gonna be you?

Sophie

You.

Parker

Me?

Eliot

I don't mean to obsess about the last time Sophie ran a con, but, I'm sorry, where we had to blow up the offices!

Sophie

Really, 'cause I don't remember that.

I do.

[over comms] Get me out of here!

Sophie

Yeah, I—I'm working on it!

Parker

On it! [gets ready to leave]

Sophie

No, no, no, no! You cannot go. You're dead. Monica Hunter sees you and the whole con is blown.

Parker

Right.

Damn the con! I am a black man caught on an Army base with a video camera! I am going to jail forever!