Hardison quotes from Leverage

We're going with a much bigger scam. One of the classics.

Parker

The "London Spank"?

The "Genevan Paso Doblé"?

Eliot

The "Apple Pie"?

Eliot

It's like The "Cherry Pie", but with lifeguards.

Sophie

[savoring the thought] Ooh.

[announcing the actual con they'll be doing] The "Glengarry Glen Death". It's like mutual fund, but instead of stocks, you invest in, in death. [Walks out to the balcony]

Parker

Is it me or is he getting creepier?

Can we give [Parker] a fake tumor?

Oh, we could inject her brain with some contrast dye and have it pool into her cranial cavity, but there might be some side effects.

Parker

Like what?

Organ failure, death, death-like symptoms.

Parker

I vote for Plan B.

[after losing to Eliot twice in Rock, Paper, Scissors] Well, I’ll be damned. How do you do that?

Eliot

You have a tell.

I—I have a tell…

Eliot

Yeah.

In Rock, Paper, Scissors...

Eliot

Yeah. Go!

Yeah, it's a little bigger than the other place, but [tosses keys to Wayne] I hope it'll do.

Parker

[to Hardison] Are you crying?

No. No. It's the Florida air. Pollen.

Mmm. [to Nate] You know, I'm--I'm gonna need change for $100...in singles.

I'm sorry. What? Y-you think I have 100 singles on me?

Don't get mad, but...I may have spilled slushie in your car.

Eliot

That's like forty-four ounces, Hardison!

It's not that much...

Eliot

The lid is floating in the damn floorboard, man!

Wow. You are...

Eliot

It's running into the backseat!

Very dramatic.

Eliot

When we get back to the office, you're cleaning this up.

Seriously? [Spots Jack leaving the bar]

Eliot

You're cleaning this up as soon as we get back!

That's our guy, right there.

Eliot

I'm not--don't try to change the subject!

Really? I almost had it in me to wash this car. Almost.

Eliot

Ten bucks says you're washing the car.

I know it ain’t

Eliot

Nice job, blowing out the engine block.

I was aiming for his leg.

Eliot

Gimme the gun, Hardison!

Sophie

Is he sleeping?

Could be a concussion.

Eliot

No, I’ve had concussions. You don't snore.

Eliot

It's right underneath the seat. All right? That means it's got to be pressure sensitive. If you move, this thing's gonna go off. Chill.

Pressure sensitive? It's pressure sensitive. You sure? Okay. Pressure. Pressure. Okay, um. Eliot, go-go g-get a bag of bricks, right. Bricks, and you put it on the seat at the same time I roll off.

Eliot

That only works in the movies.

Bag of bricks is a good, sound plan!

It's, uh, a computer bomb, I—I know computers. Computer bomb, um…we, we gotta—we gotta reboot the system! Yeah.

Eliot

You want me to kick it?

God, I'm goin' to die.

Eliot

What's our margin for error here?

About half a second.

Eliot

Run the bag of bricks by me again.

Hey, Eliot, when you said you were gonna dive under that truck, you were gonna drag me with you, right?

Eliot

Sure.

I'm serious, man. Don't play with me. I'm serious.

What's your relationship?

Eliot

Why?

Second Act has a strict policy. Only family members can see patients. We want to make sure outside influences don't hamper our clients' recoveries.

Eliot

I think that's an excellent policy. I'm Tom's brother. Hi. Mark.

I'm-I'm with him.

So, you're a friend of…

No, no, I am—

I am with him. See, he thinks the flirting makes me jealous, but it doesn't. You know, but if you was, like, Brad Pitt or Denzel or somebody, oh, girl, it would be on, seriously.

Sophie

[Over the phone] How did you break him [Hurley]?

Ah, well, um…

Sophie

You took him out for tacos? Nate, you're enabling him.

Whoa, whoa! I haven't slept in three days! I had a showdown with two different gangs, who now, by the way, know my face, I sat on a bomb, and all of this could have been avoided had you gave the man a taco?