Nate quotes from Leverage

[on comm] Okay, guys, so here's the thing. All wine bottled after 1947 have trace amounts of radioactivity. Cesium isotopes from atmospheric nuclear testing

Parker

Where did you get radioactive cesium?

The things I do for Nate.

Parker

If it’s radioactive, then why are we drinking it?

Oh, come on now, it’s safe. There are trace amounts of cesium everywhere... On you, on me... Everywhere but old wine. Which is why Hardison dipped the auditor’s gloves into a slurry containing the isotope.

Parker

So I'm radioactive? Why don't I have superpowers?

Babe, we all feel cheated.

Sophie

The money you gave them.

I may habe found a buyer for the Jefferson bottle.

Sophie

It’s not Hardison’s brew, is it?

Certainly not. In memory of Kristin’s father... and in honor of good friends.

Sophie

And with hope for the future. (drinks wine) Wow. That’s amazing. It tastes...

Special.

Sophie

You said you found a buyer for the bottle. You didn’t say “wine”. You said “the Jefferson bottle”.

I meant wine when I said bottle. I mean, it’s not like the next buyer is ever going to taste the wine. It’s too valuable. No, of course I meant (clears throat) wine.

Sophie

You mean... we are drinking the world’s most expensive wine?

You’re the wine expert.

Sophie

And you’re never gonna tell me, are you?

I do know the difference between what’s real and what’s fake.

I'm saying that we, uh, I think we went overboard on Christmas gifts last year.

Parker

Nate, I love my ECOSSE motorcycle from last Christmas, compliments of my Santa baby.

Eliot

You spent $100,000 on a motorcycle?

Don't hate the gift. Hate the elf.

Eliot

I do hate the elf.

Parker

So are you saying no Christmas presents at all? Not even something small?

No gifts.

Parker

But... How are we supposed to do Christmas without any presents?

Sophie

Let's just put a limit on spending. Lets say $1,000 (Nate clears his throat.) $100 a (Nate clears his throat.) $50 bucks a person.

Parker

Fine. Whatever.

Eliot

You realize that without that safety study, we got nothing.

Yeah.

Eliot

So why'd you promise him that?

Because we are not gonna let that toy get released. We're gonna steal Christmas.

Okay, so, Hardison, you get on that lecture thing. Eliot, you get on the mommies.

And he doesn't mean that literally.

Eliot

That joke is never funny.

It's always funny.

Eliot

No, it's not, Hardison. Comedy's about timing and you don't have it!

What do you think parents are most afraid of?

Parker

Clowns?

No.

Parker

Evil clowns?

No.

Parker

Crazy clowns named Gigi who whisper your name from under your bed?

[pauses] No.

Parker

Isn't this I don't know... Wrong? Messing with Christmas presents, playing with parents fears? I mean don't you feel just a little bit guilty given the holiday?

No.

Parker

I do.

Why?

Parker

Because!

Parker, why is it that people give each other Christmas presents?

Parker

To be nice!

No. Because they're being programmed by these giant corporations that do all this research to figure out how to push these psychological buttons in people to make them get these presents. Right? Make no mistake. What we're doing is we're manipulating fears and making these toys, all of it... This. This is Christmas. Yeah.

What the problem with getting emotionally butt naked? I'm just trying to share my feelings.

We don't want to see that.

I was talking to Parker, and, I mean, we're a little down about Christmas. We think...we're...kind of ruining the holiday or something.

Hardison, Christmas was pre-ruined. You know how it began?

Sophie

[gasping] No.

Yeah, it was a fat guy in a chimney.

Christmas began as a pagan, pre-Roman feast involving the sacrifice of children. Ho-ho-ho. [walks away]

Is he serious?

I mean, dang, I feel like I just got sucker-punched by an elf-hating, Scrooge-loving, no-gift-giving anti-Claus. I mean, am I bleeding?

Sophie

Little bit.

He's going to get the drug.

I don't want to give them false hope.

The thing about false hope is that, uh, the sting of it fades. Unanswered prayer's, eventually, those - those go away too. But the idea that his parents could have done something, anything, to have their kid's life but didn't? Don't let them carry that burden. Alright? Let's not do that? I'll take care of this.

Parker

It's just that this is the kind of mastermind stuff you usually go off and do by yourself, you know? Well, you and your bottle. But lately, you've been involving me in the planning. And not just the heist, the cons, too.

Parker, you know, you don't let feelings get in the way. You... You rotate problems, security, people, timelines. You spin them in the three-dimensional space, like puzzle pieces until they click. It's not the way I think, but... I trust your judgment. I really do.

Do you miss it?

Sophie

mnh-mnh

No? Not even a little?

Sophie

My acting talents are best served relieving people of their wallets. I really like it on this side of the stage. I... I love it. For the first time in my life, I'm exactly where I belong.

Do you mind if I ask you one more question? Why are you lying to me?

I'm not.

See the three weeks you took over the theatre basement just doesn't make any sense. There are a dozen ways to get on that roof, until you consider the Shanghai Tunnels. See three weeks just doesn't make any sense if you want to get on the roof, but you know what makes sense? Breaking down an old foundation to get into the old Shanghai Tunnels. Do you want to know what I found at the end of the tunnels, huh? The roof's not the way in. The elevator shaft's the way in, isn't it?

Why would I lie? Why? I screwed up! I got them killed! I lost everything, the only thing I ever had! Why, why, why would I lie?

Well if I had to venture a guess, I would guess that you probably have realized That you're not in the hospital. How'd you figure it out?

Well, Hospitals - Take it from me. I've been in quite a few. They're loud places. Since I've been here, I haven't heard any announcements, no alarms, no "Ding!" Those files that, um, you read from earlier are supposed to be from Portland Police, but they all had Interpol coding. When you stand, you adjust your little jacket. You give it a tug. To hide the gun that ordinarily would be in your holster. You're not Portland or state police. FBI - They like to flash their badges. And besides, I've been in the, uh, Portland offices of the FBI. Like most Americans, you reach for your cellphone on average, every 94 seconds. But you - you stop yourself. Your head - you give a little tell, a little shake. You know, It's to remind yourself that your cellphone doesn't work here. And that leaves only one law-enforcement agency, in an understaffed, barely used office, in a building where cellphones don't work. I am in the provisional Interpol offices in the Highpoint Tower, Agent Casey.

Sterling

That's why you moved to Portland. Could have picked anywhere else in the world, and you chose here.

It grows on you.