Alex quotes from Law & Order: Special Victims Unit

Need I remind you that I am responsible for the integrity of this entire bureau?

A judge has used the power of the court to further his own agenda. If the light we shine on him isn't brighter than the light we shine on the public, then this bureau has no integrity.

The People have requested remand.

Well, you're not gonna get it. 300,000.

Objection!

Overruled.

Your honor, I must object. Since you've rebuked me from manipulating the law to my own advantage, your ruling seems hypocritical.

That's enough. One more word out of you, and you'll be enjoying my hospitality.

Ma'am, I urge you to reconsider, or you will force me to file a grievance.

You're in contempt. Bailiff!

During the course of their investigation, SVU detectives discovered the defendant left his jurisdiction, violating the conditions of his bail agreement.

This was obviously not an attempt to skip bail, your honor, as evidenced by the fact that my client was on his way back to New York before the detectives knew he was gone.

The sole purpose of this trip was to travel to the state of Virginia, which allows non-residents to obtain marriage licenses without waiting periods or blood tests.

[surprised] He skipped town to get married?

Virginia also allows a person under the age of 18 to marry with the permission of a legal guardian, despite the fact that the defendant was, in fact, marrying his legal guardian, his stepmother, Gloria Stanfield, currently under investigation for child abuse and murder.

None of this is relevant to the matter of bail, your honor.

But it is relevant to the defendant's trial. This marriage is an attempt to abuse spousal privilege and circumvent the very investigation which may land the defendant in jail.

[about Kyle and Gloria's marriage] Whether or not the defendant intended to avoid prosecution, he violated his bail agreement. Bail is revoked. The defendant is remanded. [to Kyle] Congratulations on your nuptials, young man. [bangs gavel]

Counselor, question. Umm, what would it take to blanket-DNA an entire facility?

A constitutional amendment.

Tell me this isn't as bad as it seems.

Oh, it is.

And Missy's immunity is etched in stone?

We can't touch her. We're screwed.

Someone killed a child. It's our duty to speak for the victim.

So now we’re the pregnancy police? We're violating a woman's rights for what amounts to a Hail Mary.

This isn’t about abortion rights, Alex. We are talking about a one-month-old infant.

Okay, so what if that does work? What are we supposed to do, question every single woman who bought an EPT kit at the drugstore?

What if it was your daughter? What would you have done?

Munch

Whatever I could.

We request a speedy trial date. My client is eager to prove his innocence. An opportunity the ADA denied him in the grand jury.

The District Attorney is under no obligation to inform...

I know the law, Miss Cabot. I also know your reputation for bending it.

Stabler

Billings is a sleazebag who turns women into little girls.

He makes a mockery of the law. Jurisprudence has to evolve with the technology.

This is gonna be a great fight, Alex. I'm glad I taught you so well.

You also taught me res ipsa loquitur: "The thing speaks for itself." If it looks like kiddie porn and smells like kiddie porn, it is kiddie porn.

Maybe it's you who should evolve with technology, Alex. There was no kid in the kiddie porn.

[about a transgender murder suspect] I guess I'm more sympathetic to Cheryl than a prosecutor should be.

Maybe you'd like to defend her instead.

She sure could use better representation than that self-serving snake Berger.

Reptile though he may be, Morty Berger is a damn good attorney. He deserves a worthy adversary. Think about this: Who's going to give Cheryl a fair chance -- you, or some other prosecutor who'll put her gender on trial?

I told Cheryl about your deal. But she wants to go to trial.

She does or you do?

Do you know why I became a lawyer, Alex?

Uh, to see your face on TV?

The rape charges on my client are bogus. And how did he get hurt between his home and the station house?

I don't know, how did he? [looks at Fin and Stabler]

Fin

He fell.

Bull.

The only injuries I see are Mr. Gardner's torn knuckles from punching Detective Benson in the face, so unless you want to add the assault of a police officer to the list of charges, I suggest you move on.

It's a fact that Aptril causes anxiety and insomnia.

I suffer from anxiety and insomnia. I don't go around and shoot people.

I need your advice.

Dr. Huang

Lie down on the couch.

Not that sort of advice.

Stabler

Look, we had a good run. Conviction rates are up. We had to get screwed sometime.

Benson

Cesar Velez can probably do more damage to Zapata now than the justice system ever could.

It just-- It never seems like enough, you know. The Feds'll get Zapata for killing Donovan. But what about Livia Sandoval? She dies without any justice, and we're supposed to be happy about it? We tell ourselves that we speak for the victims, but we don't. We can close cases. But the victims, even if they survive, their lives are ruined. I just get so sick of it.

Stabler

Alex, we can't always win.

But that's just it. Even when we win, we don't.