John Munch quotes from Law & Order: Special Victims Unit

Munch

Gives whole new meaning to "live, streaming video."

Dr. Huang

You're either looking for a urophiliac, that's a sexual attraction to urine, or a coprophilia...

Benson

Okay. Let's not go there.

Novak

I just set a new world record getting these warrants. Not to mention risking my life interrupting Judge Terhune's poker game, again.

Munch

[to a guard] Open it. [to the ADA] Poor baby. I've been up for 40 hours.

Dr. Huang

Then you think this is a big waste of your time.

Munch

Hell, no. I think we should all sit around all day and chat about our feelings.

Dr. Huang

Well, what do you want to talk about?

Munch

Well, it doesn't really matter. We can all talk until we're blue in the face. It's not going to change the fact that the human race is ever-evolving and will always come up with elaborate, repulsive, and depraved ways to kill each other.

Dr. Huang

And that's really the hard part for you, isn't it?

Munch

What?

Dr. Huang

That you can still be repulsed. As cynical as you try to be, you can still be sickened.

Chief Muldrew

Captain Cragen, how's Detective Tutuola?

He's still in surgery, Chief.

Chief Muldrew

Those damn reporters. They're more interested in the gun than a cop fightin' for his life.

Munch

The vultures wanna crucify him,... sir.

That sequence was an easter egg.

Fin

A what?

Munch

That's a hidden treat players can access for extra fun.

You're not as old as you look.

I deserve an apology in writing!

Munch

You'll be receiving one in the mail in 6 to 8 weeks.

Huang

He disarticulated her after he killed her.

Munch

What's the fun in that?

Dr. Warner

The only explanation is a technique called "Electro-ejaculation".

Fin

I don't like the sound of that.

Dr. Warner

[picks up a metal rod attached to a power box] Nothing to it. Insert this end in the rectum and electric shock causes an involuntary ejaculation.

Munch

I thought I'd heard of every sex crime.

Fin

Damn, who thinks this stuff up?

Stabler

What the hell?

Benson

Everything's gone.

Stabler

The whole de-con routine was a scam.

Munch

Why, Santa? Why?

Stabler

My DD Fives, notebooks, all gone.

Who do we call when we’ve been raped?

Stabler

In the 6 months since Zoe and Kate took St. Victor's to court, the whole family's been harassed. They've even changed their phone numbers twice.

Fin

Didn't do any good. Broken windows, graffiti on the doors. Zoe's filed 6 reports. Nobody's ever been charged.

Munch

Since when did New York become a red state?

Fin

But Zoe wanted to make a point. Take the school to court. Win one for the cause.

Munch

Someone's got to fight the fight.

Fin

It shouldn't be an 8-year-old.

Man, I ain't carrying, all right? And you can search me.

Munch

(Opens a front-loading washing machine and finds dozens of packets of crystal meth) Look at what I found.

Fin

Oughtta be worth a couple of grand.

Can't pin that on me.

Fin

Yeah, but I might be able to pin a murder on you, DJ.

What?

Fin

The rape and murder of Monica Phelps.

No no no. I did not murder her.

Munch

(Studies bottles of detergent on top of the machine) So what should I use? Lemony goodness, or Mount Stream?

Thought she was working at a hot dog stand. She wouldn't be frying franks if she was dealing. Now wasn't I helpful.

Munch

Very. (turns on the laundry machine)

Benson

What do PMCs do?

Munch

Profit from the fighting in Iraq and Afghanistan.

Fin

Don't get him started on Dick Cheney again.

Munch

I miss the day when revenge just meant shooting someone.

Dr. Warner

And I miss the days when I never had to say I ran more DNA tests on that semen.