Melinda Warner quotes from Law & Order: Special Victims Unit

Dr. Warner

It's official. The finger's dead.

Dr. Warner

[about Stabler] Sometimes all that brooding intensity is just annoying.

Dr. Warner

No. This time, Munch isn't crazy.

Dr. Warner

[after getting shot] Back off, vultures! I'm not dead yet!

Dr. Warner

Tattoos used to be subversive. Now, kindergarten teachers have them, which means the fringe has to go even further. I've seen stretched earlobes, forked tongues, plates under the skin. Amputation is the next frontier.

Dr. Warner

First it was COVID, then the murder spike... No one's slept since March.

Dr. Warner

External examination found no traces of semen. Further testing...[pulling out an organ and placing it in a scale dish] showed spermicides usually found in condoms.

Stabler

This is fun.

Dr. Warner

Perp goes through the trouble of bringing a semi-automatic with him, why not just shoot the guy?

Benson

Where'd the fun be in that?

Dr. Warner

Jansen's genitals weren't exactly cut off. They were surgically excised ... Removed with a scalpel by someone who knows anatomy, and pre-mortem. [points to Stabler's neck] An amateur would have cut his throat straight across. Jansen's killer made precise cuts on the carotid artery here, and here, after... [starts to point to Stabler's groin]

Stabler

You don't need to demonstrate that part.

Stabler

[sees Dr. Warner enter the restaurant where he and Benson are eating lunch] An ME out of the lab? It must be big.

Dr. Warner

I got the report back from the contents of the vomit.

Benson

Am I gonna wanna stop eating for this?

Dr. Warner

Roast beef, mozzarella cheese, corn, and raisins. Luckily, it had only been in the stomach a few hours, so it was only partially digested.

Benson

All right, I'm done. [pushes her salad away]

Dr. Warner

I tested Jeff York's blood, high viral load. When did you 2 date?

Benson

5 years ago. We only slept together once, and we used protection.

Dr. Warner

Condoms are effective, not perfect. It only takes once.

Benson

I know; I'm gonna get tested. I just haven't had time.

Dr. Warner

Why don’t we do it here? Right now.

Benson

Melinda. I’ll do it.

Dr. Warner

Olivia, how many rape victims have you told to get tested?

Benson

All of them.

Dr. Warner

Would you tell them it’s alright to wait?

Benson

[long pause] OK.

Dr. Warner

Sit down and roll up your sleeve. No paperwork; I’ll do it myself.

Dr. Warner

The only explanation is a technique called "Electro-ejaculation".

Fin

I don't like the sound of that.

Dr. Warner

[picks up a metal rod attached to a power box] Nothing to it. Insert this end in the rectum and electric shock causes an involuntary ejaculation.

Munch

I thought I'd heard of every sex crime.

Fin

Damn, who thinks this stuff up?

Stabler

No way. You're not doing this.

Dr. Warner

I can take care of myself.

Stabler

No offense, but med school doesn't exactly prepare you for something like this.

Dr. Warner

The Air Force did. They paid for medical school. I did 2 tours at Ramstein during Desert Storm. I know how to handle myself around men with guns.

Munch

I miss the day when revenge just meant shooting someone.

Dr. Warner

And I miss the days when I never had to say I ran more DNA tests on that semen.

Dr. Warner

[about the torture Sutton performed on Iraqi prisoners] So much for 2500 years of 'first do no harm'.

Dr. Huang

That's a little black and white.

Dr. Warner

Sorry, I didn't realize the Hippocratic Oath was written in shades of grey.