John Munch quotes from Law & Order: Special Victims Unit

Munch

The powers that be always protect themselves and the FBI are their hired guns-

Cassidy

[finishes for him] -fronting for the Trilateral Council, the World Bank, and the Mansons.

Masons.

Stabler

You get to Tribeca a lot?

You don't have to answer that.

Stabler

What questions can your client answer?

Anything that's a matter of public record. I want to know what my client's being charged with.

Munch

[to Stabler] You don't have to answer that.

Police union found us better health insurance.

Cassidy

This form is longer than the last book I read.

Munch

Don't you see what they're doing?

Jeffries

Yeah, they're looking out for you, Munch. Psychiatric coverage increased to 80%.

Munch

More specifically, he's mad at you.

Stabler

Which is why we thought you'd have better luck with him.

Benson

Yeah, I mean you're smart and God knows you're patient.

I am not a homosexual.

Munch

Okay.

Part of my job was to keep an eye on Seth. Mr. Langdon is seriously eyeing a run for a congressional seat. But the scandal of having an openly homosexual son- well, look at the damage a lesbian sister caused Newt.

Munch

Actually, she was a half-sister.

She may have been a half-sister, but unfortunately for Newt, she was all lesbian.

Munch

You don't think Newt's problems had anything to do with his ethics violations or him being a pedantic megalomaniac who espouses family values while serving his cancer-stricken wife with divorce papers while she's on her hospital deathbed? Did that ever occur to you?

Anybody know where Cassidy is?

Munch

Nice view.

Cassidy

Yeah, at night, too.

Munch

You've been here at night, too?

Cassidy

Yeah, you know. On a...a case.

Munch

Case of what?

Cassidy

Well, you know, like a...like a date. With a friend.

Munch

What friend is that?

Cassidy

Guy. Buddy of mine. Pal.

Munch

Uh huh.

Cassidy

What?

Munch

Afternoons he often spent at the library. He told his secretary he needed time alone.

Cassidy

To think deep, legal thoughts behind the wheel of his Caddy, fly open to the breeze.

Cassidy

Whatever.

Munch

My generation pioneered that succinct abstraction, but to me it still means diddly.

Stabler

All right. We're gonna talk to some of the detectives who originally investigated.

Munch, that okay with you?

Munch

Sure, it'd be like visiting the Special Victims Unit alumni association. All the people that used to sit at these desks. Where are they now?

Munch

Vanity, thy name is woman.

Jeffries

It's frailty, not vanity, you misogynist.

Jeffries

He was shot with a Black Talon?!

Munch

Cop killers. They haven't been made since 1994.

Jeffries

Yeah, because they killed too many cops.

Munch

Nah, the real reason was, it was instantly recognizable. Bullet makers want anonymity. If you can't prove where the bullet was made, you can't sue the manufacturer. Where would we be without lawyers?

Munch

You're enjoying this, aren't you?! All these guys trying to sweet-talk you into giving us a little crumb of information!

Oh, yeah. Yeah, it's the high point of my life.

Munch

Better than shooting those people in cold blood, you little reptilian GEEK?!

Oh, it's bad cop now, right?

Munch

YOU BET YOUR ASS!

Jeffries

John, easy.

Munch

You did it, you piece of crap! I know it! You know it!

Jeffries

Seriously, come on!

Munch

No! I'm gonna kill this guy myself.

Call him off, call him off!

Munch

I'm gonna Mike Tyson you, you bastard!

Come on. Is this legal?

Jeffries

Probably not.

Munch

[whispers in Pruitt's ear] I'm gonna kill you. I'm gonna kill you. I'm gonna kill you.

Munch

Not the Benjamin Hadley? More powerful than Pat Robertson, able to leap a tall Democrat in a single bound, President of Midvale College, which used to be a Podunk nothing; now it's suddenly a think tank for the neo-conservative movement?

Benson

Although that's an oxymoron.

Munch

I love you, Olivia.

Benson

Frick and Frack.

Stabler

Alfonse and Gaston.

Munch

Slappy and Happy.

Jeffries

You know how it is. You spend time with someone, eventually they will corrupt you.

Munch

Sure. It's a major historical force that drags great people to the lowest common denominator.

Benson

With you around, we're all doomed.

Munch

[to P.K.] Got a name for this guy?

Tommy something ... Irish.

Jeffries

There are, like, 2,000,000 Irish in New York, P.K.

[gives a thumbs up] Good luck.

[about Logan] I don't think she suffered.

Munch

She suffered.

I mean she was killed instantly.

Munch

I know what you mean.