Monique Jeffries quotes from Law & Order: Special Victims Unit

Jeffries

Doesn't sound like there's much doubt on the COD.

Munch

Do you think your conclusional pole vaults are personality- or gender-driven?

Jeffries

You guys going to eat all this?

Munch

Suppose we say yes.

Jeffries

Suppose I'm just being polite.

Munch

That will be a first.

Cassidy

It's cool. John doesn't eat vegetables.

Jeffries

Yeah? The way I heard, that's not all John never gets to...eat.

Cassidy

Ouch.

Benson

How about plain old testosterone-driven rage?

Jeffries

Her boyfriend?

Munch

Or girl. You could toss 100 pounds without breaking a sweat.

Jeffries

Toss you, you skinny-ass geek.

Munch

See? The rage?

Jeffries

Jerkwad, have some respect for the victim.

Munch

Hey, I respect hookers. At least they earn their money up front, unlike ex-wives, who get you with that lucrative back-end deal.

Jeffries

Oh, so you're saying all women are whores?

Munch

Don't be ridiculous. I don't know all the women in the world.

Children!

Munch

His wanderlust is one adverb short of Robert James Waller.

Jeffries

"The Bridges of Madison County."

Cassidy

That was incredible.

Munch

How about incredibly banal? Short and muscular sentences displaying total absence of original thinking.

Cassidy

I was talking about the movie.

Munch

It's true a good Mrs. Robinson's hard to find, but women maturing faster than men? Conspiracy. The government's been covering up the harmful side-effects of RBGH, a hormone that farmers are using to produce more milk.

Cassidy

Like McGwire taking Creatine to bulk up, right?

Munch

The farmers don't take the hormones, Cassidy. The cows do.

Jeffries

So is there anything you just...accept?

Munch

Yeah. Compliments.

Jeffries

No wonder you're so skeptical.

Jeffries

Cougar and Mosley's little swimmers were shipshape.

Munch

No kidding.

Jeffries

Yeah- remember when, John?

Munch

I could say the same thing to you, babe.

Munch

Guys, check this out. Teddy Kennedy lands in the water at Chappaquiddick on July 18th. Neil Armstrong lands on the moon July 20th. Think about that.

Jeffries

And?

Munch

You don't find that amazing?

Jeffries

Nope.

Stabler

You're learning, Jeffries.

Cassidy

I don't get S&M. I mean, "Hurt me, that turns me on?" Come on, what's up with that?

Munch

It starts with the tattoos. Once you get the ink, it's just a matter of time before you're begging to be tied up and spanked.

Cassidy

Yeah, tattoos are just the gateway to the sexual dark side, my friend.

Stabler

You guys have finally figured me out, huh?

Jeffries

Seriously. Did you get off on the tiny little pinpricks of pain?

Stabler

No, I get that from working with you.

Police union found us better health insurance.

Cassidy

This form is longer than the last book I read.

Munch

Don't you see what they're doing?

Jeffries

Yeah, they're looking out for you, Munch. Psychiatric coverage increased to 80%.

Jeffries

Wow. 4.7 million in one year.

Cassidy

That's pretty good for a fledgling charity.

Benson

Fledgling? I'm impressed.

Cassidy

Yeah, that's right, I'm a real dope, aren't I? You know what I did last night? I looked it up and memorized it just so I could impress you.

Munch

Vanity, thy name is woman.

Jeffries

It's frailty, not vanity, you misogynist.

Jeffries

He was shot with a Black Talon?!

Munch

Cop killers. They haven't been made since 1994.

Jeffries

Yeah, because they killed too many cops.

Munch

Nah, the real reason was, it was instantly recognizable. Bullet makers want anonymity. If you can't prove where the bullet was made, you can't sue the manufacturer. Where would we be without lawyers?

Munch

You're enjoying this, aren't you?! All these guys trying to sweet-talk you into giving us a little crumb of information!

Oh, yeah. Yeah, it's the high point of my life.

Munch

Better than shooting those people in cold blood, you little reptilian GEEK?!

Oh, it's bad cop now, right?

Munch

YOU BET YOUR ASS!

Jeffries

John, easy.

Munch

You did it, you piece of crap! I know it! You know it!

Jeffries

Seriously, come on!

Munch

No! I'm gonna kill this guy myself.

Call him off, call him off!

Munch

I'm gonna Mike Tyson you, you bastard!

Come on. Is this legal?

Jeffries

Probably not.

Munch

[whispers in Pruitt's ear] I'm gonna kill you. I'm gonna kill you. I'm gonna kill you.

Benson

Frick and Frack.

Stabler

Alfonse and Gaston.

Munch

Slappy and Happy.

Jeffries

You know how it is. You spend time with someone, eventually they will corrupt you.

Munch

Sure. It's a major historical force that drags great people to the lowest common denominator.

Benson

With you around, we're all doomed.