John Munch quotes from Law & Order: Special Victims Unit

Munch

And you wonder why I'm into conspiracies. We're living in one.

Munch

[picks up] Homicide. [pause] I mean, SVU. Hold on. I'll get you a detective.

Munch

Seriously, Nick. I'm gone for, like, half a year and you were already arrested twice? Talk about a cry for help.

Jeffries

Doesn't sound like there's much doubt on the COD.

Munch

Do you think your conclusional pole vaults are personality- or gender-driven?

Didn't 2 of Spicer's married johns take a bust?

Benson

Yeah, about 6 months ago. Vice was targeting the piers.

I'm sure their wives must have been thrilled.

What are you doing?

Munch

Eavesdropping.

Good, you're up to speed. What do you say you go interrogate a husband?

Munch

Are we missing some key piece of information here?

Shut up, John!

Munch

A military plane drops JFK's coffin into 9,000 feet of water 3 years after the assassination. You don't find that suggestive, perhaps even a tad disquieting?

Cassidy

No.

Munch

No? The Justice Department waits 33 years before they impart this tidbit on the American people, and then they say they did it because it wasn't evidence? What are you, sheep? Will you believe anything?

Cassidy

[sheep-like] Naaaah.

Jeffries

You guys going to eat all this?

Munch

Suppose we say yes.

Jeffries

Suppose I'm just being polite.

Munch

That will be a first.

Cassidy

It's cool. John doesn't eat vegetables.

Jeffries

Yeah? The way I heard, that's not all John never gets to...eat.

Cassidy

Ouch.

Munch

I'm never setting foot in the city of Baltimore again, as long as I'm on this mortal sphere.

Cassidy

Why? You're rich. Did your 20, got your pension, and you're on the job here.

Munch

I earned that pension with the sweat of my mind, while surrounded by intellectual insects. Not to mention the fact that I lost a wife after less than one night of connubial bliss to someone who was not only another detective, but a member of my own squad.

Stabler

8 stories up, 8 down.

Cassidy

Looks like she was shot out of a cannon.

Guy on steroids?

Munch

No, the Yankees are on a road trip.

Stabler

Yeah, they're down in Baltimore, kicking a little Oriole ass.

Benson

How about plain old testosterone-driven rage?

Jeffries

Her boyfriend?

Munch

Or girl. You could toss 100 pounds without breaking a sweat.

Jeffries

Toss you, you skinny-ass geek.

Munch

See? The rage?

Munch

The whole thing's a pyramid scheme.

Cassidy

What whole thing?

Munch

Laptops. We've become a nation of laptoppers, writing orders on our laptops, more laptops- whatever happened to pens?

Cassidy

Did you know necrophilia is not only with dead people?

Benson

[to Munch] Do you see what you started?

Cassidy

No, I got it off the Net. Supposedly some famous actor out in Hollywood, hires hookers to lie in an ice bath. Waits until they turn blue with the cold before diving in.

Munch

Let's move on. "Compulsive onanism."

Cassidy

"Onanism." [chuckles]

Munch

From the Greek, Cassidy, "Necro-", death, "-philia," love of. You try it.

Cassidy

Necrophilia.

Munch

Again.

Cassidy

Necrophilia.

Munch

Or "Egyptian Love" according to Henry Miller. Necrophilia.

Cassidy

Necrophilia.

Munch

Good man.

Munch

Hey, Lennie.

It's like a nightmare.