John Munch quotes from Law & Order: Special Victims Unit

So, how does this work? Do we all go out for a celebratory drink?

Munch

Well, if we had a bar, drinks would be on the house.

I love my husband.

Munch

I know you do, Lisa.

I don't want to be here. I don't want to do this. [in tears] But I don't wanna die!

Munch

That's good to hear. Have a seat.

Munch

Any idea where our crispy critter came from?

Warner

Follow the bloody brick road.

Fin

What are we waitin' on?

Stabler

Cragen. He says we don't touch the place until Greylek sees it, just in case IAB wants to screw with us again.

Munch

You sure Greylek's not on one of her "I gotta be at the crime scene" crusades?

Fin

[looks ahead] That's not Greylek.

Benson

Alex!

What have we got?

Munch

He goes by many names- Satan, Lucifer, Mephistopheles, Beelzebub, Old Nick...

Stabler

Let's not forget Ryan Seacrest.

Munch

[bringing in coffee] Breakfast of champions is served.

Stabler

Anyone ever tell you you're a god?

Munch

Partake of the nectar of the gods now, bow to me later.

Stabler

Why is Terri being paid $61,000 a year by a company that only exists on paper?

Munch

Not a company - The Company.

[is yelling on a bullhorn outside the police station] SVU what do you say? How many kids gonna die today?

Fin

[to Munch] Hold this [hands Munch a box] Gonna see how far I can kick that bullhorn up his ass.

Munch

Don't dirty your shoe, Fin.

Munch

DNA sweat stains, so now you have to watch where you sweat.

Dr. Warner

Wonders of science, baby.

Dr. Huang

Lindsay Elding was poisoned. [shows mushrooms on the media screen]

Munch

By who? The Smurfs?

Stabler

A bar graph of penis size?

Munch

You were expecting a pie chart?

Hunter

Hey, speaking of family, do you have a sister who teaches here?

Munch

No, why?

Hunter

There's a calculus teacher who looks a lot like you. [menacing] Maybe I'll have her next year.

Fin

Not where you're going. [loads him into a police car] Watch your head.

Munch

Did he just threaten my hypothetical sister?

Munch

Counselor Ellis.

Ellis

Have we met?

Munch

Sergeant John Munch. I admire your second act.

Ellis

Um, I'm not sure I get the joke.

Munch

I'm not joking. You can be NYPD and still believe in "innocent until proven guilty".

Ellis

Well, I'm about to put that to the test.

[finding a bottle of pills in Sandow's desk] Erection meds.

Munch

Maybe he needed help with his "artistic process".

[to the crowd as he is being arrested] This is a joke! NYPD got so jammed up with their hooker scandal, they'll do anything they can to distract from it.

Munch

You don't know when to shut up.

Court of public opinion, baby - that's my wheelhouse.

Fin

Shutting down rapists - that's ours.