Scenes with Elliot Stabler 296
[Benson and Stabler observe child prostitutes during a stakeout]
They're not your kids, El.
Stabler I know.
Stabler I'd settle for just one.
As long as we keep criminalizing victims instead of going after their perps, it's never gonna happen. We should at least arrest their johns.
Stabler So what? It's a slap on the wrist. I mean, Spitzer walked; he was a former prosecutor.
Guy gets caught with an under-aged hooker, the charge should be rape!
Stabler Hard time isn't a deterrent.
Neither is the death penalty. It's just the price of doing business. It's time to treat these bastards like the scum they really are.
M Mikka
[walking out of the courthouse with Stabler] I think we're gonna make a great team
Stabler Me too. [sees Cragen walking up the courthouse steps] Captain. How's the old place?
It's all getting squared away.
M Mikka
Captain Cragen. I've been looking forward to meeting you. Mikka Von, your new ADA.
Yeah, well, nice knowing you. Your boss called. He's tied up. Asked me to deliver a message. Pack your bags. Go back to Chicago.
M Mikka
[scoffs] I'm being fired by proxy?
Stabler What's going on?
Apparently, you sent a defense attorney on vacation, sub rosa. D.A. doesn't like dirty tricks.
Stabler Unless he's the one doing them.
M Mikka
[to Stabler] Well, I guess I gotta go take my loft off the market.
Stabler [shakes hands with Mikka] Been nice working with you.
M Mikka
Back at you. [walks away]
She one of the good ones?
Stabler Yeah.
[detectives find evidence linking Gammon to several rapes]
G Gammon
What happens now?
Stabler Go directly to jail. Do not pass go. Do not collect $200.
Stabler [looking at a picture of Camille] Her with her dad before he was sent away to Bellevue?
We're all branded, I guess. By our parents, our childhoods.
Stabler Think you turned out all right.
Stabler [Discussing the victim, who was found in a load of commercial laundry] We know where the load came from?
This was no mercy killing.
The PAT's plan was to spark a revolution by killing a cop. And you guys served up that state trooper on a silver platter. Then, after all of New York's finest would attend the funeral, they would just blow everybody else up. [tosses a grenade towards Stabler and he catches it]
Stabler Hey, hey. I don't have a good track record with you and explosives. [Nervously hands grenade back to her]
Oh relax, Nancy. The pin is in it.
Stabler Hardwicke. Seeing what we should do with Chuckles here.
I'm ahead of you. Hardwicke's in Albany meetin' with the AG. The temp ADA's on the way.
Stabler Well, hopefully, it's somebody who knows how to sort through this mess.
How 'bout me, hon? Messes are my specialty. [enters the squad room] Hey, Stabler. Miss me?
[surprised] Sonya, what are you doin' here?
You mean, how did I escape the drunk tank?
Stabler No, she means, why us?
Stabler Chuck Mills, you're under arrest for abortion in the second degree.
Get a good one, 'cause I'm gonna kick your ass.
C Chuck
There's nothin' in that tube but lube!
[Stabler tells Paxton about what Kathleen had done]
Your daughter?! You didn't have the balls to do your own dirty work, so you sent your kid to break the law for you?!
Stabler Nobody broke the law!
What is wrong with you people?! GOD! How many Brady violations do you have to get slapped with?! You can't keep screwin' up like this!
Stabler If you would just shut...! Just shut up for one second. I can explain.
No, no, you shut up! I'll explain to you. Okay?! You just handed Chuck Mills a get-out-of-jail-free card!
Stabler Chuck Mills isn't going anywhere, because I didn't tell my daughter to take the file.
Oh! Right! Right! And I should believe you, because you have a reputation for playing by the book, and it's beyond reproach!
Stabler You know somethin'?! I hope you're not on the sauce right now, 'cause I got a policy against strangling drunks. Go have a drink.
Stabler A bar graph of penis size?
You were expecting a pie chart?
H Hank
No broad in a black robe is gonna keep me from what's mine.
Stabler If she doesn't, I will.
Stabler Sandra's the queen of denial, and Hank is a human hand grenade ready to explode.
If Cragen hadn't stepped in yesterday, he would've blown. Too bad. [Stabler smirks at him] I got a son too, remember?
P Protester
When God makes you pregnant, stay pregnant; when God make you barren, stay barren.
Stabler When God gives you a uterus, maybe we'll listen to your sermon.
[about a rapist who wears a god mask] He's a narcissist.
Stabler Well, yeah, he thinks he's a god!
[Benson and Stabler approach a billionaire rapist's private jet]
Stabler Hayes has a female pilot. That's interesting.
Something tells me his glass ceiling is the mirror over his bed.
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Law & Order: Special Victims Unit · 1,740 quotes
Stabler
