Elliot Stabler quotes from Law & Order: Special Victims Unit

Stabler

[opens Benson's fridge] You have absolutely no food in this house.

Benson

They have this great thing, it's called delivery.

Stabler

Planning a tropical getaway? [holds up travel brochures]

Benson

A girl can dream, can't she? Stop snooping.

Benson

Hubby had a gun. Why did he turn his wife into chopped liver?

Stabler

You've never been married.

Benson

[about Anne] Sounds like she hasn't found herself, but why would the Prestwick Foundation want her on the board?

Daddy gave them 10,000,000.

Stabler

I got my daughter a job at Target. Didn't cost me a dime.

I'm sure your daughter's more qualified to sit on the Prestwick Foundation board.

You have no idea what I'm capable of, detective.

Stabler

I saw your mother's body.

If you really think I could do that to someone I love, then what do you think I could do to someone you love?

That was quick. She didn't punch you again, did she?

Stabler

Ah, you know, some women just don't want to talk man to man.

Stabler!

Stabler

I wish she would refuse to talk to me.

Look, you pig-headed son of a bitch. You can't drag an innocent- [notices Alex] Hi. Babs Duffy.

Alex Cabot. I will leave you 2 alone.

You don't have to.

Stabler

No, you want to say something, let's do it in the box.

I'm not an addict.

Stabler

You just like the way coke smells?

Look, I don't know what you're talking about.

Stabler

Young hookers. You've got a thing for them.

Absolutely not. I'm a married man.

Stabler

How about that 14-year-old you were caught diddling?

I was a kid.

Stabler

Mike, you were 22.

She looked older. I prayed for forgiveness. I never made that mistake again.

Stabler

Until you met Maggie Ortiz.

Never seen her before.

Stabler

No?

No.

Stabler

How about Abby Mannion?

I don't know her, either.

Stabler

Your penis does. Your semen was found inside her.

Benson

Gotta tell ya, I never would have pegged a woman for it.

Stabler

You surprised by a killer woman? Try missing an anniversary.

Stabler

What'd you call us down for?

Well, when you got 2 dead little girls, the Ledgers gonna run it on the front page.

Stabler

So you want answers before they hit you with the questions.

Yeah. The only time I like to be surprised with my pants down is on my birthday.

Benson

Looks like Lily left her brains behind..

Stabler

Who the hell took her body?

Tell me something: who rapes a pregnant woman?

Stabler

Well, for every kink, there's a perv with a dream.

Benson

[as Stabler photographs Hankett's birthmark] Looks like Florida to me.

Stabler

To me it looks like guilty.

Benson

Whoah, we don't need to see anything south of Key West!

Leave me alone.

Benson

Keep it in your pants, okay?

Stabler

Sit down. Sit down

Benson

Keep your pants on Mr. Hankett.

Stabler

Now you are not denying being a flasher, are you Mr. Hankett?

What just happened, that was an accident, okay? It just kind of fell out.

Benson

Just like it did in the electronics store?

Stabler

What, you have an epileptic seizure while you were trying to put it away?

Nothing? Don't tell me you came back empty-handed.

Stabler

I got Fletcher right here. I caught him impersonating Liv.

WHOA! Where the hell'd you come from?

Stabler

The real world. Join us.

Not my daughter.

Stabler

Now, you just said that you have a daughter named Rose.

I do. Somewhere.

Stabler

That's not her?

It looks like her, and this girl's been living in our apartment. But she's an imposter.