Elliot Stabler quotes from Law & Order: Special Victims Unit

Benson

So, are we okay?

Stabler

I just need space to disagree with you so that I don't feel like it's going to cost me our partnership.

Benson

You never been gun-shy before.

Stabler

Yeah, well, you know, things change.

Benson

Well, like you said, you're the longest relationship that I've ever had with a man. Who else would put up with me?

Stabler

I thought the joint would be empty.

Benson

I thought the doctors said you had to be on house arrest for 2 weeks.

Stabler

I can't stay away.

Benson

It's almost midnight.

Stabler

I didn't want Cragen to see me.

Benson

Yeah. I know the feeling.

Stabler

Mr. Truex?

What'd you do to my daughter? Hm? She gonna be okay?

Benson

She's sleeping. The doctor says she's gonna be fine.

Oh, fine. Sure. Sure. She's lucky you didn't kill her.

Stabler

We didn't slit her wrist.

No. But you interrogated her WITHOUT A LAWYER PRESENT!! You told her she did it! You made her suicidal with your accusations and innuendo!

Benson

No. The drugs that she was on made her depressed, and her own guilt made her suicidal.

She's innocent, detective.

Benson

Well, you know that's not true, since you're the one who saw her at the house.

I had a head injury. I dunno who I saw. And stay away from Charlotte. As soon as she's discharged, I'm takin' her home.

Stabler

She's going to Rikers.

Over my dead body!

Ms. Marino must be here for the obligatory grieving-mother footage.

Stabler

Nothing like a parent's worst nightmare for must-see TV.

Stabler

Why don't you go talk to Marsden?

Benson

And say what? "Hi, I'm Olivia. Your dad raped my mom." And, "Oh, I found you because I illegally ran my DNA."

Benson

Who today has 10 kids?

Stabler

Not even Catholics.

Casey

Doing time doesn't seem to scare him.

Because he knows it's an empty threat. Best we can do is a misdemeanor. Unless he has a prior record.

Casey

You just said the magic words. "Prior record." Does the date October 26, 2005 mean anything to you?

Elliot

Chicago White Sox won the World series. First time since 1970.

Casey

It was also the first time Jordan was arrested for drunk and disorderly conduct. He tossed a beer bottle through a neighbor's bedroom window and then urinated on her front steps.

Elliot

You can't hold your liquor, can you?

Casey

The judge took it easy on him 'cause he was only 15, but you're an adult now.

So what?

Casey

So you're looking at 15 days in jail, a $250 fine, and community service.

I want to report a rape.

Stabler

One of your clients take advantage of you, counselor?

[about her underage boyfriends] I loved them all.

Stabler

So why did you leave them?

They all got older, and I... didn't.

Kathy

You said you wanted to work things out. You said that you were ready to come home.

Stabler

Look, Kathy, I'm sorry.

Kathy

I don't care. Not about my pride, or my ego, or anything else. I need you to come home now, Elliot. Not for the kids. For me.

Stabler

What's changed?

Kathy

I'm pregnant.

Benson

What's going on?

I've been temporarily reassigned. Chief of D's office.

Benson

Why?

You aided your fugitive brother, Elliot covered up his kid's DUI, Fin's stepson butchered two people and walked. Somebody's gotta take the heat.

Benson

But we're the ones who screwed up.

On my command. 1PP calls that "failure to supervise".

Benson

That's insane!

Stabler

You want insane? Guess who they put in charge.

Munch

I had nothin' to do with that! If drafted, I will not run, if elected, I will not serve.

Fin

You are lyin' like a politician. You took the Sergeant's' exam right behind our back. What's up with that?

Munch

I took it last year on a bar bet.

[hands Munch his key] Enjoy your new office, Sergeant Munch. Don't let the power get to your head.

Lake

It was an honor serving under you, sir.

I'm not dead yet, Detective Lake.

Stabler

We'll get you back, Captain.

Try and behave yourselves.

Dr. Huang

[about Janis] Tell me about her alters.

Benson

So far we've seen Dr. Young, a little girl, and a mean Russian.

Stabler

And I bet she does a great Christopher Walken too.

I've loved him since I was 15. What? You think a 15 year old can't fall in love.

Stabler

I have teenage daughters who fall in love all the time.

Stabler

Earl Romaine, you're under arrest for the rape of Shane Mills.

Screw you.

Lake

Sorry, you're not his type.

Benson

How's Kathy?

Stabler

Over 40 and having a baby. I just can't stop thinking about all the bad things that could happen.

Benson

So why don't you see a doctor?

Stabler

We're Catholic. Means it's better not to know.