Elliot Stabler quotes from Law & Order: Special Victims Unit

Stabler

And now we can't touch him?

The Patriot Act trumps rape and attempted murder every time.

[Opens his door to find Novak, Stabler, and Fin standing outside] Get the hell away from my door. You've got people thinking I tried to kill my wife.

Stabler

We need to speak to your daughter.

No, you will not speak to her. Not now, not ever. You've got her anxious and upset now leave her alone. [Tries to close door]

Novak

[Blocks the door] I'm Assistant District Attorney Casey Novak. Here's how this is going to play out. Now we will end up at a hearing and the judge will side with me, because you cannot stop us from questioning the only witness to the attack.

I'm her father.

Novak

And your also a suspect Mr. Nicholson. It's about time you faced facts.

Stabler

Do you care at all or is this guy just a pawn to you?

You're a bastard.

Stabler

I get that a lot.

Benson

He has the right to know.

Stabler

It's not our place to tell him.

Benson

Jake is raising a child that biologically isn't his. He's married to a woman who's being unfaithful. You think that ignorance is bliss?

Stabler

First of all, Tommy is his son. And Jake is the only father he's ever known. Now they love each other. Why do you want to mess with that?

Benson

Because it's not fair to Jake or Tommy.

Stabler

If Leah Keegan wants to tell her husband that Tommy's not his, that's her choice, not ours.

What do you mean? Tommy's not my son?

Stabler

Kathy wants to name him after me.

Benson

Just what the world needs. Another Elliot Stabler.

In Northern Mozambique, women can have many husbands, so shouldn't it be my choice to decide what kind of marriage I want?

Stabler

And if you want to marry a cat?

You're gonna break my wrists!

Stabler

I'm Irish, but I'm not that lucky.

Stabler

You know, I was up all night with the baby. And it got me thinking.

Novak

You want me to send Jack to Family Court.

Stabler

I want to do what's right, Casey.

Novak

Sleep deprivation's making you soft, Elliot.

Benson

What they are doing is trapping her in a child's body forever.

Stabler

Parents have to make hard choices. This last pregnancy, Kathy was over 40. That carries a higher risk of things like Down Syndrome.

Benson

And, you know what? Eli turned out perfect, so spare me the perils of women over 40 having babies.

Stabler

Where were you last night?

Hanging with friends.

Stabler

Doing what?

Stuff.

Stabler

Where?

Around.

Stabler

Okay, hey -- I want you to start answering my questions in complete sentences.

I put my faith in a little god in a white coat and he killed my wife and son. PUSH THE BUTTON!

Stabler

No.

PUSH … THE … BUTTON!!!

Stabler

I can't do it.

No? Why?

Stabler

Too many people have suffered already.

Then you, Elliot Stabler, are a human being. Congratulations, you are not a sheep like I was. You're a man. Thank you.

Where are you taking me?

Benson

Central Booking.

May I tie my shoe?

Stabler

Yeah, sure. Go ahead.

Thank you.

Dad!

Stabler

Kathleen, what are you doin' here?

You had my boyfriend arrested? What the hell?

Stabler

What are you talkin' about?

Tony didn't steal your credit card. I had to buy some books for school, so I borrowed it when I was home on Sunday.

Stabler

You didn't buy any books! You never told me you had a boyfriend.

Well, I do, and you'd better make it right.

Stabler

I'd better make-- What did you just say to me? What did you just say to me?!

Benson

Ell.

Tony didn't do anything.

Stabler

[heads back to the squad room] We're not gonna talk about this now. And you're gonna get that thing removed from your leg!

You have a tattoo. [leaves]

Stabler

Patrol dumped this one on us, why? Because a whack job was found naked in the shower?

Benson

Elliot!

Stabler

Last week it was because a guy had his johnson out taking a piss in the alley. What's next? Fido puppy humping in the dog run?

Benson

Elliot! I called you in.

Stabler

Why, because your "Spidey Sense" tells you she was a rape victim?

Benson

Because she's your daughter.

Stabler

My daughter needed a shark, you're the deadliest one I know.

Thanks?