Alexandra Eames quotes from Law & Order: Criminal Intent

Goren

How much treasure did the 3 of you bring up, Dana?

Just a handful, I swear.

Eames

Enough to buy 3 pairs of Jimmy Choos and 4 Versace dresses. And those diamond earrings really highlight your tan.

Okay, so we skimmed a little bit off the top. What, you never worked as a waitress? A blonde like you, I'm sure you did.

Eames

We found Kira's novel.

Goren

It's not as purple as your prose, but to me, it rings truer.

Everyone's a critic.

Goren

And you're a fake. A hack.

Eames

If word got out, those lecture fees would dry up.

Goren

Kira trusted you, and you stole from her.

And you are being hyperbolic!

Goren

I'm not done! I'd like for you to say that you're a fraud. [grabs him by the arm and forces him to sit down] Go ahead. C'mon. Sit down. I'd like for you to say it.

Okay. You pulled back the curtain and found a pathetic old man who coveted a brilliant young writer's future. Perhaps he took her words. Only her words! Not her life!

Ross

Testarossa's lawyered up.

Goren

What about Melago?

Eames

What's going on here?

Goren

Is now okay?

Eames

You're undercover, you don't tell me?

Ross

Those were my orders. Came from the top.

Eames

I can't believe this.

Ross

It was a need-to-know case. I'm sorry. Eames, Melago is in holding downtown. You have a history with her. See if she'll deal.

Eames

She and Woody were expected in Maine on Friday. They never made it.

Capt. Ross

Romeo and Juliet didn't tell their parents where they were going, either.

Eames

Roy, I don't know what's more pathetic: the idea that you think we'd believe you, or the idea that a woman would willingly sleep with you.

[smirks] What's the matter, baby? So used to ground chuck that you don't recognize filet mignon when you see it?

Is it a crime to worry about my grandson's future?

Eames

It is if you shoot the parents who you think are standing in the way.

Eames

How'd you find her? Craigslist?

Who's Craig?

My daughter is not a murderer and she is not a lesbian.

Eames

Which of those scares you more, Mr. Richmond?

You've got the wrong guy.

Eames

Your fingerprints will prove you wrong.

That's all they'll prove.

Goren

Lace teddy, makeup...

Eames

And perfume. Either she was planning a matinee with the doctor or she was entertaining, as my mother might say.

Goren

I think you screwed up, Kev. A little too much rouge, y'know, scent...

Eames

There's nothing worse than having your makeup not right. I bet you can't wait to look in a mirror.

[looking at Grace's keepsake photo] Grace kept this on her pillow, like it was a dream - some place to get away from all this.

Eames

I heard you got away for a few years. You feeling some kind of kindred spirit?

Nah, I try to avoid transferrential relationships with dead people - it's always so one-sided.

Goren

[about the murder victim] He embraced good causes.

Eames

He also embraced any woman who got close enough for a smell test.

Eames

[walking back to the car with Nichols] Did you just save all our lives?

You can buy breakfast.

Capt. Ross

Is this someone you've been watching?

No, we have data-miners crawling through credit card transactions.

Eames

Whose credit card transactions?

Uh, I think she means everybody's.

You didn't hear that from me.

Capt. Ross

Thank you, Dick Cheney...