Robert Goren quotes from Law & Order: Criminal Intent

Mr. Diego's website is purely in the realm of personal fantasy. No services are exchanged for--

Goren

My partner was in vice for 5 years.

Eames

Chelsea for 2 of those years. You're not my first rent boy, Diego.

[glances away from pouring water] The guest list? [His glass overflows.]

Goren

Reverend, your cup runneth over.

Did you say his name?

Goren

Diego. We have other photos.

You know, there is a Diego that's a professional massage therapist, but, uh, it's so dark in those rooms that I can't--

Goren

[impatiently] Do you have a massage therapist? Is he your massage therapist?

I ... can't say for sure. I'm, uh, really sorry, detective, that I can't be more helpful, but, uh--

Eames

Actually, it's always helpful when we know someone is lying to us. There seem to be phone calls from your cell to his.

[looking at picture again] Actually, this-- you know what? This is Diego. Yeah. Hah. Funny. Uh, the back pain I get is so crippling that I can't even think. I just lay there and I close my eyes--

Goren

[looking bored] --and wait for that booty bump....

Well, of course I have enemies.

Goren

What kind of enemies?

Demons.

Goren

Your demons. Are they inside? Or are they outside?

Frank

[gesturing to Eames, in the SUV] That woman. Is that your wife?

Goren

[shaking his head] That's-- that's my partner.

Frank

So what're you waiting for?

Goren

Not that kind of partner.

Must be frustrating, to try to conduct an investigation within a group that's entirely invested in irrationality.

Goren

Oh, well. Homicides are often irrational as well.

Goren

[pulling books off the shelf] G.K. Chesterton. C.S. Lewis....

Eames

...and Ripped Boys magazine. Which one of these things is not like the others?

Capt. Ross

At the very least, she's a hyper-competitive Type A personality under enormous pressure.

Goren

So am I. So are you.

Goren

As serial killers go, this Mark Ford Brady is definitely within the hashmarks.

Capt. Ross

Right down to having three names.

Capt. Ross

[about Brady] He's toying with you. Now, you're personally invested. He's got you exactly where he can control you.

Goren

No, he's not in control of me. I can handle him.

Capt. Ross

No. You don't need this in your life right now.

Goren

You don't know what I need. And don't tell me who I am. You don't know who I am. And don't tell me how I think.

Capt. Ross

Then I'll just tell you this: You're off this case.

Mrs. Goren

Your father was always away, a lot. A lot. When Mark was on leave, I would ask him to put up some windows in the apartment, and your father... got the point.

Do you remember when he visited?

Mrs. Goren

Oh, for God's sake!

What about the year before I was born?

Mrs. Goren

I don't see why this is so important!

Because I need to know!

Mrs. Goren

You do not!

We'll talk about something else.

Mrs. Goren

[in tears] I just never knew for sure.

[horrified] Oh...!

Mrs. Goren

Bobby, I just could never know for sure...

[voice breaking] Mom, don't, just forget it.

Mrs. Goren

Bobby... I'm sorry.

Goren

You worry about what she said, that your career is tainted by me?

Eames

I used to.

Goren

And now?

Eames

It's too late.

Goren

How much treasure did the 3 of you bring up, Dana?

Just a handful, I swear.

Eames

Enough to buy 3 pairs of Jimmy Choos and 4 Versace dresses. And those diamond earrings really highlight your tan.

Okay, so we skimmed a little bit off the top. What, you never worked as a waitress? A blonde like you, I'm sure you did.

Eames

We found Kira's novel.

Goren

It's not as purple as your prose, but to me, it rings truer.

Everyone's a critic.

Goren

And you're a fake. A hack.

Eames

If word got out, those lecture fees would dry up.

Goren

Kira trusted you, and you stole from her.

And you are being hyperbolic!

Goren

I'm not done! I'd like for you to say that you're a fraud. [grabs him by the arm and forces him to sit down] Go ahead. C'mon. Sit down. I'd like for you to say it.

Okay. You pulled back the curtain and found a pathetic old man who coveted a brilliant young writer's future. Perhaps he took her words. Only her words! Not her life!

[to Goren] Detective, would you like to tell me just who the hell you think you are? You misrepresented yourself in a state prison, and involved your partner and your captain as unwitting accomplices in discrediting ways that shall be duly noted in their jackets. And you provoked an already overworked MO unit to forcibly restrain you. If you ask me…

Goren

…You think that I wasn't playing insane, that I am insane.

Have you ever asked yourself that question?

Goren

Yes, sir. And I believe that asking the question proves that I am sane, and that I was willing to take my investigation to the limit.