Laverne DeFazio quotes from Laverne & Shirley

(Calling from the dumbwaiter) Laverne, Shirley!

What?

Come on up here, Lenny just swallowed his comb!

OK!

Laverne

Squiggy, Come over here and grab his tongue!

What are you doing? He didn't swallow no comb! That was a gimmick to get you up here! Sheesh!

Laverne

A gimmick? [Laverne and Shirley dropped Lenny down as she talked to Squiggy] What was the big deal here? Uh choking on a comb? How you like to choke on one my curlers!

Laverne

Are my tonsils still there?

Shirley

[Looks inside of Laverne's mouth] Oh yeah, you still got em. You also got the world's biggest hicky on your mouth.

Laverne

Hey, Len, I'll trade you a brain for a chop.

Lenny

Now what am I going to do with a brain?

I solemnly swear that I will never tell another living soul that I went out on a date with Lenny & Squiggy.

Shirley

Laverne, I'm telling you, flying is safer than driving! Nobody has ever crashed into a cloud!

Laverne

Yeah, well nobody ever fell 40,000 feet from a DeSoto either.

Laverne

This is the creepiest thing I've ever seen!

Hello!

Laverne

My neck moved!!

Lenny

No, it didn't, it's right under your head.

Laverne

If you ever lay your hands on our money again, I'll tell everyone you never vo-de-oh-doh-doh-ed!

Lenny

Oh yeah? I got witnesses!

Shirley

Uniforms? To sell shoes?

Laverne

Well, I love uniforms!

Shirley

You're thinking of sailors.

Laverne

I'm always thinking of sailors.

Laverne

Go get some blankets from the bedroom.

[Excitedly] Bedroom!!

Laverne

C'mon guys, I gotta get her out of these wet clothes.

Okay, start with the shirt and do it slow...

Rosie

Come off of it, Shirley. Famous people do not dine with bimbos.

Laverne

Why not? You told me the mayor dined with you.

Shirley

The mad hatter did not wear fishnet stockings!

Laverne

Well, that's why he didn't get any action!

Shirley

[After learning that she might be having her appendix removed] I promised myself I'd remain intact until my wedding night, if you know what I mean...

Laverne

Shirl, guys don't care if you lose your appendix!

I need to get something before I can leave here.

Laverne

You got it!

Wow, that was nice. But what I really needed was...

Laverne

[Interrupting] Now? In front of these people?