Shirley Feeney quotes from Laverne & Shirley

Shirley

We're suing that company! We're suing Quicky Poo, we're suing the cleaners, and we're suing Kukla, Fran and Ollie!

Laverne

Sue Kukla and Fran, but not Ollie.

Shirley

I'm shaving my legs. This ugly stubble is showing through my nylons.

Laverne

Ugly stubble, huh? That's what holds my nylons up!

Laverne

Where am I going to get water?

Shirley

I don't know, just get me some water from SOME place!

Shirley

[Pops her head out the shower] Don't even think about it.

Shirley

We won't go out with just any old creep!

Laverne

Yeah, only those who ask us!

(Calling from the dumbwaiter) Laverne, Shirley!

What?

Come on up here, Lenny just swallowed his comb!

OK!

Laverne

Squiggy, Come over here and grab his tongue!

What are you doing? He didn't swallow no comb! That was a gimmick to get you up here! Sheesh!

Laverne

A gimmick? [Laverne and Shirley dropped Lenny down as she talked to Squiggy] What was the big deal here? Uh choking on a comb? How you like to choke on one my curlers!

Laverne

Are my tonsils still there?

Shirley

[Looks inside of Laverne's mouth] Oh yeah, you still got em. You also got the world's biggest hicky on your mouth.

Shirley

Excuse me. But how do you say meatloaf in french?

(rolling eyes) You Don't.

I solemnly swear that I will never tell another living soul that I went out on a date with Lenny & Squiggy.

Shirley

Charles Pfister Krane has a reputation!

So does my sister.

Shirley

Laverne, I'm telling you, flying is safer than driving! Nobody has ever crashed into a cloud!

Laverne

Yeah, well nobody ever fell 40,000 feet from a DeSoto either.

Could you plese state your name for the court?

Shirley

Shirley Feeney.

Your... full name please?

Shirley

Shirley... Wilhelmena Feeney.

(Jury laughs)

Shirley

Hey, Hey Hey! That's the name of her dead grandmother!!

Shirley

(Looks accusingly at the Jury) ... Not so funny now is it??!!

Shirley

You marry a man with a square head, no neck, and hair on his thumbs, you know what your kids are gonna turn out like?

Hello!

Edna

Well, where you're going is nice too.

Shirley

Yes... Detroit is lovely this time of year.

Shirley

Uniforms? To sell shoes?

Laverne

Well, I love uniforms!

Shirley

You're thinking of sailors.

Laverne

I'm always thinking of sailors.

Is anybody sitting here?

Shirley

Nobody but you, mister.