Laverne DeFazio quotes from Laverne & Shirley

Laverne

To Laverne, If in heaven we don't meet, hand in hand we'll bear the heat. And if it ever gets too hot, Pepsi Cola hits the spot.

Laverne

Touch my "L," sweetie, and your teeth go to Peoria!

Laverne

I know that voice, and I hate the person it's attached to!

Laverne

You got nylons? All I got was a glow-in-the-dark snow scraper.

Laverne

[To Shirley] You're too little to be a LAMP. Maybe you could be a nightlight...

Laverne

[Referring to a fur coat] This is the second best thing I've ever felt!

Laverne

[After seeing the guys gawk over a hot girl] Now I know who God gave the rest of my body to...

Laverne

[Reciting the poem she wrote about Shirley, titled "My Friend"] My best friend is Shirley Feeney, the best in all the land. Whenever we're in trouble, we face it hand in hand. We laugh when we are happy, we cry when we are sad. We talk when we are lonely, just to know her makes me glad. If I had one wish in life, I know what it would be. I'd have Shirl as my best friend, for all eternity.

Laverne

The bald man may get me, but he ain't gonna get this! I know what to do!

Laverne

Okay, now that's done. Now what am I going to do with this? [Pulls out film canister again]

Laverne

I'm a bald killer. I follow two dames into the dining car. One is a knockout - a long-legged beauty whose tall, senseless body makes me forget my miserable childhood. And with her... a friend. I follow the girls back to their compartment - if only the pretty one was there alone. But no such luck. The stump is in there with her.

Laverne

Oh, Shirl, this is a dream come true. An entire night with Lenny in a dark, sleazy motel room.

Shirley

Laverne, the only parties we've ever been to are bring-your-own.

Laverne

I like bringin' my own... that way I know what I'm gettin'.

Laverne

A Society gentleman would only go out with you for one reason - to have a good time, a few laughs, and a little vo-dee-oh-doh-doh.

Shirley

I don't vo-dee-oh-doh-doh!

Laverne

You vo-dee-oh-doh-doh.

Shirley

I don't vo-dee-oh-doh-doh!

Laverne

You vo-dee-OH...

Shirley

Once, and I was going steady a whole year...

Shirley

Some day, God willing, I'm gonna be a mother. And if my daughter comes to me and says, "Mama, I want to go to this bachelor party and come outta this cake"... what can I tell her?

Laverne

A lot more than most mothers!

Laverne

Shirl, believe me, I'm not sick, and there's nothing in this place that will make me sick.

Hello!