Delinda Deline quotes from Las Vegas

Sam Marquez

I smell whales.

Delinda Deline

I smell embalming fluid.

Delinda Deline

Did you hear about Monica?

Sam Marquez

No, what?

Delinda Deline

Flew off the roof last night, landed over at the Wynn. Crashed right into the Manolo Blahnik one day sample sale.

Sam Marquez

You're kidding! That was yesterday?

Delinda Deline

Check them out. [Shows Sam her black sandal pumps] Aren't they delicious?

Sam Marquez

They're fabulous!

Sam Marquez

I hate funerals. Pretending to mourn for someone you despised. Doesn't that bother you guys?

Delinda Deline

Not me. I like pretending.

Mary Connell

Now that we know Monica left it all to charity, I feel like maybe she was just misunderstood.

Sam Marquez

Really? I feel like maybe she was just a bitch.

Danny McCoy

Have a seat.

Delinda Deline

Shouldn't I be handcuffed?

Danny McCoy

No. I'm just going to ask you a few questions.

Delinda Deline

Yes, you are the best sex ever. Have you ever done it in here?

Danny McCoy

No. No, I haven't.

Delinda Deline

I bet you have, and you probably invited a few people to watch. I'd try that. I bet it would be fun.

Danny McCoy

You know, you're the second person I've run into today that thought that.

Delinda Deline

So, you want to?

Danny McCoy

No! I'm trying to conduct an interview here, Delinda, so just --

Delinda Deline

Okay! I'm sorry!

Danny McCoy

Be professional. So, did you notice anything unusual at the video shoot?

Delinda Deline

I'm not wearing any panties.

Delinda Deline

Just so you know, before when I asked about you being sweet on me, I wasn't suggesting anything.

Danny McCoy

Yes you were!

Delinda Deline

You wish I was!

Danny McCoy

No, you were. The only thing that I wish is that we didn't have to beat around the bush. We're consenting adults, right?

Delinda Deline

Absolutely!

Danny McCoy

Absolutely. I mean, if we want to have sex with each other we should just say so.

Delinda Deline

Absolutely.

Delinda Deline

[trips] Ouch!

Ed Deline

Honey, are you okay?

Delinda Deline

Ow! My shoe!

Mary Connell

Aren't those the shoes you got at the sale where Monica...

Delinda Deline

Yes. I'm still breaking them in, I guess.

Ed Deline

Whoa, whoa, whoa. Wait. You bought those shoes where she died?

Delinda Deline

They were on sale.

Sam Marquez

Who's the hottest server you have working right now?

Delinda Deline

I would have to say Steve. He has a nice, tight little ass.

Sam Marquez

Not a guy. A female.

Delinda Deline

Are you thinking about switching teams again?

Sam Marquez

I want someone to listen in and these two and report back to me.

Delinda Deline

Why, what's going on?

Sam Marquez

Anything to do with the Montecito's gaming license or potential lack thereof effects my bottom line.

Delinda Deline

And you don't think they'll mind if some hot girl is just hovering around them?

Sam Marquez

Listen to what you just said.

Delinda Deline

Was it fun being mean?

Sam Marquez

Of course it is. Why do you think I do it all the time?

Sam Marquez

Hey, you know what, Mary? My client over there, he's lost 250 grand.

Delinda Deline

He's really --

Sam Marquez

Sad. Yeah.

Mary Connell

Aw.

Sam Marquez

Yeah, he's sad. Listen, maybe you could just go over there and kind of be yourself.

Delinda Deline

Be super sweet!

Sam Marquez

Yeah, be nice to him.

Mary Connell

Poor guy.

Sam Marquez

Thanks, sweetie.

Delinda Deline

Thanks, Mar. She does come in handy.

Sam Marquez

She does come in handy sometimes.

Mary

[runs up, frantic] Hey, hey. Have you guys seen Danny?

Sam

No. It's not my turn to watch him.

Delinda

[watches as Mary runs away in search of Danny] She gets weirder every day.

Sam

Dr. Paul's love movement is a scary cult.

Delinda

He makes more money than Kabbalah and Scientology combined.

Sam

Cult! He's got one of my whales convinced that if I throw a flower in front of each of the doors on his floor that love will come to him.

Delinda

[smells flower] They are beautiful.

Sam

You're so easy.

Delinda

You're so bitter.

Sam

[sees Delinda smiling as she walks by] You had sex, didn't you?

Delinda

Excuse me?

Sam

Who did you have sex with, hooker?

Delinda

Okay, I had sex, but with no one you know.

Sam

Really? I know quite a few people in this town. Try me.

Delinda

Well, he doesn't even live here. He travels a lot. He's a professional bowler.

Sam

[disbelieving] You had sex with a bowler?

Delinda

[nods but realizes she's had] Never. I had sex with Danny.

Sam

Danny?

Delinda

Yeah.

Sam

I don't know if that's cool or not. What about Mary?

Delinda

Look, it's nothing. Anyway, Mary and Danny are over. Ask Danny.

Sam

Delinda, listen to me: no one listens to advice. They think they do, but they don't. So it doesn't matter what I say. You're going to do what you want in the end and that's okay.

Delinda Deline

Fine. I'll go ask Mary then.

Sam

Perfect.

Delinda

What?

Sam

What do you mean, what? You know! When you decided to start sleeping with Danny again, did you tell Mary?

Delinda

Of course not!

Sam

Why?

Delinda

Because they've been over for more than a year!

Sam

And?!

Delinda

Because it might hurt her feelings!

Sam

And did you tell Derek?

Delinda

Of course, I tell him everything!

Sam

Delinda, listen to me, before you marry this guy, or don't marry him, and especially before you walk around asking everybody a bunch of girly questions, you need to make sure that your ducks are in a row.

Delinda

So you think I should tell Mary about Danny?

Sam

Everything always comes out eventually and she needs to hear it from you before she hears it from somebody else.

Delinda

You don't think she still loves Danny, do you?

Sam

What?! The sun always rises in the east, you always get hungry a half hour after you eat Chinese food, and Mary Connell will always love Danny McCoy.

Delinda

I'm going to tell Mary about you and me.

Danny

What? Why?

Delinda

I'm getting my ducks in a row.

Danny

I think you should tell your ducks to keep their bills shut. Have you been talking to Sam? What is this?

Delinda

How did you know?

Mike Cannon

Delinda, do you see this guy I've been watching at the bar. Mr. McKeen. He and his wife are perfectly compatible.

Delinda

And look how happy they are.

Mike

That's not his wife!