Kitchen Nightmares Season 1 quotes

This is incredible. Right through those doors has to be for me one of the worst restaurants I've ever seen in my entire cooking career. The chef doesn't give a fuck, the owner's completely clueless and not any form of communication between the kitchen and the restaurant and the management. It's a fucking shambles.

What are we waiting on Ashley?

I'm still waiting on chicken pancotta with penne marinara, an individual kids pepperoni pizza, half order spaghetti with meat sauce, eggplant parmesean with angel hair meat, chicken pancotta angel hair marinara, three chicken parms and a veal Parmesan ...for just one table. (interview) I really felt like crying because it was that embarrassing for me.

Erick, can I have your undivided attention?

Sure.

Nothing's happening. We served one table of four, one table of two. For the last three tickets, half an order's gone out, the other half is still on the board. You haven't got a clue what's going on. You're (Drew) running around crazy. What chance have we got serving 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, tables? You asked for one more crack at lunch time. "Let me go big boy! Let me go! I want to do it again!" We're spinning around and serving shit! Do me a favour, close the fucking restaurant! I can't stand any longer and watch that embarrassment. I need the door fucking closed! Forget it! Good night!

I can't even start with a chef that can't even know how to cook something basic. Why are you pulling a chef that is that incompetent? Darling, he's not in the slightest bit of interest of fucking making it work, he doesn't give a fuck about his cooking, doesn't give a fuck about you, and he's here for one thing and one thing only: money. And the only restaurant that fucking guy will ever get a job is in a restaurant that doesn't have any customers. If you've got any chance of surviving here, get rid of him. What are you scared of? Talk to me.

Where am I going to find another chef?

Drew. What's wrong with Drew?

Drew, I think can carry it on.

So get rid of him!

Okay.

Unbelievable.

Babe, I'm sorry.

No, no, just wait a minute. Jeremy come here.

I feel real bad.

The whole thing is, this isn't the first time you've let us down. I just can't do it. I know but I just can't do it. You guys get your paycheck every week. Jeremy and I never take a dime out of here.

We understand that.

I know but I mean, the whole thing is not going to work because you...

Okay so what do you want to do?

We're going to part ways.

Okay that's no problem. Dammit! I fucked on that deal.

(interview) He couldn't pull off lunch, couldn't pull off dinner and so we just had to let him go. You know I can't do this.

Last twenty four hours was one of the toughest days ever spent in a restaurant. Last night, we did get rid of the chef which was a positive move. Now I need Drew to step up to the mark, Jeremy to support his mother more...I got here early so I can check out the place properly. With no interference.

After witnessing one of the worst kitchen walk-ins he has ever seen, Gordon moves on to an area outside the kitchen that restaurants are judged upon - the bathroom.

One of the best ways to check the hygiene of any restaurant is always through these bathrooms. Turn that [a blue UV light] on, and turn the lights off. Right, this can be quite scary. [he checks out one of the walls] Oh my good God. Green and yellow identifies bodily fluids. Any form of bleach or any form of cleaning will be identified through the colour blue, but the body fluids on here is extraordinary. [he checks the ceiling] Look, as high as the ceiling, oh my God. Even the ceiling's caked in it, OH MY GOD! This is shocking. [a sign reads "Wash your heads"] Wash your hands, yeah. Honestly, I've seen enough. Let's get the fuck out of here.

(to Nylah) Nylah, the state of that fridge in there confirms whoever's running this place in terms of kitchen management has given up. They don't give a fuck about you, and they don't give a fuck about standards.

(to Nylah) Having a dirty refrigeration unit is one thing. Having a filthy bathroom is something that fucking scares the hell out of me.

This thing here [the blue UV light] detects body fluids. Just have a look at this.

That's body fluids up there?

That there has got nothing to do with any form of cleaning. Look at the fucking state of this. Green, green, green, green, green. And here's where it gets really scarry.

How the hell did it get up there? (interview) It looked like somebody may have peed on the ceiling, the walls, the doors, you know. It could be a throw-up. I can't even imagine, you know. And it made me sick, I didn't even want to touch the door-knob coming out myself.

This is Cheryl, this is my manager.

And you manage the kitchen and the front of the house?

Um, front of the house.

Catering...

...and I do catering as well.

What's wrong with the place?

Lack of customers...

So why have we got lacking the customers?

We need more customers, we need to figure out how to get more people in here...

(covering his face with his hand in disbelief) Ok. Thank you, and you're the manager?

Yeah...

Oh my God...! A manager that didn't even know what's wrong with the restaurant is scary.

So he is a bigger asshole than I thought. (Talking about Ramsay)

Fuck him.

What?

Fuck him.

Fuck him? (Almost laughing)

Chef Ramsay... surprised nobody break his legs yet...!

What’s with the defense mechanism?

(laughs) Oh, my God. Don’t you get defensive if somebody comments on your food like that?

I don’t cook shit like that.

When was the last time somebody complained about the food?

Well, last night.

Mm-hmm, and what did they say?

It was bland.

And were they right or they wrong?

No, they’re right. But... you’re off the wall with what you’re saying.

Here’s the difference between you and me: I listen for feedback. You can’t handle it. I came here because you asked me to come and help you, and your reaction to me telling you something quite constructive in a very calm manner is a joke.

Ok, so you want me to be your fucking puppet?

Why are you shouting? Why—

Because you’re pissing me the fuck off!

So shut the fuck up and talk properly. Is this the way you react when I’m not even here? (to the staff) Is this an old procedure when— it is, yeah?

Oh, you’re gonna get your fucking ass kicked.

Oh, there you go. Madam, you have an attitude problem. I‘m not too sure which is worse: the food, or the attitude.

(to the staff) Ooh, can I hit him now? (to Gordon) You know, a lot of people said you were a jerk; I think I believe it. Anything else?

Fuck this. No fucking way. What a sad case.

You all right? (CeCe is sobbing) No, come on.

I can’t start to even attempt to help unless you come to terms with the problem, and that is the food.

It’s good when I cook!

Come on! This is not a game for me!

It’s not a fucking game for me; this is my life! It’s not a joke for me! Don’t start saying that; it’s not a joke! It’s not a joke for me. I care! If I didn’t care, I wouldn’t fucking be here, so stop saying I don’t care! Just stop, please.

I haven’t said that!

Yes, you did.

What I’m trying to tell you is that you have to come to terms, internally, that there is a huge problem and that is with the food.

(interview) Nobody wants to hear that anything that they do sucks. I don’t like to fail. Death would be better than failing.

It’s certainly not a sign of weakness to admit your failings. I’ve closed three restaurants but I also have a number of successful ones. One-thousand, six-hundred and fifty members...

I know who you are.

That’s—

And it’s— It’s— I—

A “jerk,” you told me earlier.

Well, you can be a jerk.

Stop acting like a petulant teenager! I’m not gonna stand there and be a doormat for you to take the piss out of me. Let’s get one thing right: you asked me here and I’m here to help, so let me in.

Okay, the food sucks. There, you happy?

There’s a problem with the way the food is prepared, there’s a problem with the way the food is ordered, there’s a problem with the way the food is not respected... I’m sorry, CeCe, but it’s just not good enough.

How are you doing sir?

(to Q) Wait a second. (to Nylah) I recognise this man.

Ah-ha.

How are you doing?

(to Q) Your first name is...

Q.

From Sebastian's.

Yeah.

Possibly one of the most difficult, arrogant, jumped-up owners I have met in my entire life.

I thought you'd say that.

What the hell are you doing here?

Good question.

You're the owners?

Yes.

Ok, great. (searching through his Danish dictionary) Hvordan er du? (How are you?)

I'm sorry. No Danish here.

But... it is a Danish restaurant?

The Danes have left the building.

So... the chef's Danish?

No... he's Cuban.

Cuban...

I've never been to a Japanese restaurant where I can have a pizza... sushi style... and a chef owner that's no longer in the kitchen. I'm nervous.

Just go with it.

Ok.

Um... that's the sushi pizza?

It sure is. It's rice, salmon, crab, and mayonnaise... some cheese...

Wow. Thank you darling. Japanese pizza? (Takes a bite and spits it out) Sorry. That... is rancid.

(In an interview) Chef had fair warning that it was going to be terrible. (laughing)

Mhm!

I told him not to get it!

It looks like the lobster was dead before they cooked it.

The lobster's from the tank.

You want to take a look?

No, I think they're just sleeping.

Is it? It must be dead.

We keep a good eye on them.

You keep a good eye on them? Surely not. [pulls the "sleeping" lobster out of the tank] He's fucking dead. A dead lobster!