Most-quoted character in King of Queens: in 23 of its 45 quotes Most scenes with: Carrie (10)
Lines by Doug 9
Doug
So, you want to move back in, huh? That would be real convenient for you, wouldn't it? You leave for a few days, you bounce around the outside world for a while like that bird who's "cuckoo for coca puffs," and you just waltz back in. You know what, Arthur? Take my basement back. It's yours. You know what? Fine. Take it. And while you're at it, why don't you-- why don't you take the TV, too? And-- and the foosball table, and, uh, hey, the couch. It's yours. It's all yours. Uh, hey, my mustard-strained jets blanket, huh? Oh, and-- and my baseball encyclopedia, oh and my x-rated video with the label, "bad news bears go to Japan," so Carrie won't notice it!
Doug
Take it all, Arthur! Hey, what else can I get for you? Hey, do you want the flooring? 'Cause I could rip up the carpet. Come on, what else can I give you? How 'bout my kidneys? Come on, I have two! WHAT THE HELL?! TAKE 'EM BOTH, ARTHUR!! God, why should I have anything, right? ALL I DO IS GO TO WORK EVERY DAY AND PAY MY MORTGAGE ON TIME! AND WHEN IT'S NOT ON TIME, IT'S CERTAINLY WITHIN THE GRACE PERIOD!! BUT I GUESS THAT MEANS NOTHING!!!NOTHING!!! And you know what? That's fine. I'll just be a GUY GOING THROUGH LIFE WITH NO BASEMENT AND NO KIDNEYS!!!
CARRIE!!!(He turns around and walks back into the kitchen, where Carrie is at the kitchen table.) Can I see you in the garage? (He grabs Carrie and all but drags her to the garage. Once there, he gestures to the spot where the TV used to be.)Huh?!
[First lines. Doug and Carrie are sleeping in bed. The clock reads: 6:00. Doug turns off the alarm. The clock reads: 6:07. Doug turns off the alarm the second time. The clock reads: 6:14. Doug turns off the alarm the third time. The clock reads: 6:21. Carrie unplugs the alarm clock and throws it away.]
Yeah, classic Twilight Zone? Sci-Fi Channel? Ever hear of it? Here, let me show you. (He uses the remote as if he's turning on the TV.)OOOOH! I CAN'T!!
Oh, yeah, I'm insane. I ordered my food without capers and then wanted it without capers. Yeah, fit me for a strait-jacket, I'm a loon!
Doug
You know what I mean, okay? You're always on the lookout for who's out to get you! You can never just let something go, because that would result in a delightful evening out, and we can't have that, can we? No!
Wait! That's it. I--I finally figured it out. I do have anger, but I don't like confrontation with other people, so I take it all out of myself. [Boy throws the chair over to Doug's face] KNOCK IT OFF!!!
BBoy
Sorry!
[Later]
Doug
So it turns out by avoiding over confrontation that's been going on around here, I actually caused the 2 of you to have more conflict with each other, so, really, it's my problem after avoiding this.
[Doug and Carrie are canoeing, and Doug is singing while they paddle]
Doug
...56 bottles of beer- in the boat. 56 bottles of beer. You take one down, pass it around, 55 bottles of beer- in the boat.
[after a long argument between Doug and Carrie while they are still canoeing]
Doug
Just stop complaining and sing with me! It's fun! (singing same song detailed above, only louder and in a angrier voice) 55 bottles of beer- in the boat! 55 bottles of beer-
King of Queens · 45 quotes
Doug
