King of Queens · 45 quotes
DougI want that other house!
Doug, we already talked about this! Now we're here to sign papers on this other house--
Doug (angry): We didn't talk about it! You steamrolled me! And I'm not signing anything until we talk about it for real!
Carrie (annoyed): Okay, fine, you wanna talk about it? Tell me why we should buy the other house without mentioning "dumb-waiter" and "pork" ! (Doug tries to come up with something, but he can't.)
Doug (in frustration): You know that's impossible!
Then this conversation is over.
Doug (furious): Okay, fine, you know what? Let's just go with the house you want, all right? Hey, and you know what? Here's a great idea! You once told me you liked the name Mike, so from now on, my name's Mike! (turns on the beard trimmer) You know what?! I should shave my mustace! (He brings the trimmer to his mustache, but stops, as if he's had another idea.) What the heck, you know what? Why stop at the face, huh? (He yanks his shirt out of his pants and sticks the trimmer under his shirt, making motions as if he's shaving.) How 'bout in here, yeah? Am I hairless enough for you? Smooth Mike, that's what they're gonna call me! (Suddenly, he winces as if he's hit something. High pitched) Nipple!
