Kick Buttowski: Suburban Daredevil Season 1 quotes

Kick

Fail? I don't do "fail"!

Gunther

[removing the thorns from Kick's keister] Stop moving. This is delicate butt surgery.

Kick

The guy on TV said carefully!

Gunther

Do you want me to get the thorns out or not?

Kick

Okay, do another. Go ahead. Do it. Do it! [screams painfully] WHY'D YOU DO IT?!

Everything in the library belongs to me, including you! [laughs evily]

Kick

She's good, but I'm better.

Ms. Fitzpatrick

All right, students, quiet down. Monday is a very special day. Can anyone tell me what that might be?

Gunther

[raises his hand] Ooh, ooh, ooh! Spaghetti and meatballs day?

Ms. Fitzpatrick

Hmm… Well, there's that. But it's also "Bring your dad to school day."

Gunther

It's my dad's weekend to get his back shaved, so he'll be all nice and smooth for Monday.

[disgusted] Eww!

Jackie

[outraged in shock when Kick told her that he loaned his room to Brad] HE TOOK YOUR ROOM?!

[speaking rapidly] You wouldn't believe it, and I had to walk home with my socks on my hands. Hey, where are we going? I've been abandoned, but never inside an abandoned building. And one time a dog ate my retainer. [Kyle's voice slows down and lowers in pitch as Kick dumps a gray substance on him from above, petrifying him] But, it didn't... fix... his... teeth. [Kick knocks Cousin Kyle over, shattering him. Just then, Cousin Kyle reassembles and his voice slowly changes back to normal as he begins talking again.] ...And this other time an old lady game me candy that tasted like purse.

Kick

No! You're unstoppable!

Come back, I'm running and I'm made of metal.

Kick

[gasps] Oh... phew... it was only a nightmare. And he just lies there, sleeping like a baby.

Jackie

[angrily through gritted teeth when Kick is being paired up with Kendall] Kick should be holding my hand! [crunches Gunther's hand tightly]

Gunther

[screams in pain] You're hurting me! [to Kick as Jackie drags him away; begging desperately] Kick, help!

Everyone, listen up. Each duo will choreograph their own routine for a dance-off.

Kick

[takes his hand out of Kendall's; darkly] Get your girly paws off me.

Kendall

You're the one with the girly hands. I am so not dancing with you.

Kick

I'm not dancing with you.

Kendall

I'd rather spend a day in detention than dance with you.

Kick

I'd rather punch myself in the face than dance with you.

Kendall

I'd like to see that.

Kick

Maybe someday you will.

Kendall

Good, then we agree.

Kick

Yes, surprisingly.

But I'm still not dancing with you.

If you don't want to dance, then you fail.

[shocked] Fail?!

Kendall

I can't fail gym!

Kick

Kick Buttowski does not fail.

Honey

Now, I want you two to behave while we're at the pageant.

Brad

Certainly, mother.

Honey

You've been getting in far too much trouble lately.

Kick

That's in the past, Mom.

Brad

We're quite fond of each other. [he and Kick hug]

Honey

Mm-hmm. I'll be back in three hours.

Brad

[annoyed] This is all your fault, dillweed! Mom busted us again because of you!

Kick

She's good, but she's not this good.

Brad

Well, she's catching us somehow.

Kick

Yes, somehow. I think we've got a tattler in our midst. (And I'm gonna find out who.)

Honey

Okay, boys. Punishment is over. Out of your rooms and outside now. [opens the front door, pushing Kick outside] And don't get into any more trouble. [sternly] I mean it, Kick.

Hello, Mrs. Buttowski.

Kick

Wait a minute. That silhouette, so familiar. Ms. Chicarelli. It was you! You're the one snitching on me.

That's right. It's my responsibility to keep the cul-de-sac safe from the likes of you, troublemaker.

Kick

We were just having fun.

You were loud and out of control! Kids are the worst thing to ever happen to the suburbs… [savagely] MY SUBURBS! [Oskar snarls viciously] It used to be so quiet around here, until all of your brats moved in! [turns to Mr. Vickle, who is cutting some bushes] That goes for you too, Mr. Vickle! You stop cutting those bushes so loudly! [back to Kick, who he gives her the death glare in return] And the next time you disrupt even one blade of grass on this cul-de-sac, you'll be serving a lifetime of grounding.

Honey

[kindly] Don't worry, Ms. Chicarelli. Kick will be on his best behavior. [to Kick; sternly] Right, Kick?

Kick

[with his face all red with irritation and through gritted teeth] Yes, Mom.

Kick

[pacing back and forth outside of Ms. Chicarelli's house; to Brad] She's gotta be stopped! I'm getting busted all over the place.

Brad

Yeah, I guess we better stay as far away from her as possible. [naughtily swipes his brother's skateboard and throws it into Ms. Chicarelli's front yard]

Kick

Chicarelli's yard?! Nothing ever comes back from Chicarelli's yard!

[breaking down as Kick causes too much chaos all over the cul-de-sac] What's going on? [shows up at the Buttowski residence and knocks on the door]

Honey

[answers the door] Yes? Uh, Ms. Chicarelli.

[overreacting] Mrs. Buttowski, at this very moment, that boy of yours is disturbing the peace and ruining the sanctity of the entire neighborhood, and he's breaking trash cans, and buzzing around, crashing into things, and wasting water! He's...that boy is driving me crazy, and he should be grounded because of his menacing, and he's...and he's... [sees Kick appearing behind his mother] HE'S RIGHT THERE!

Kick

Hey, Mom. I'm done cleaning my room. Can I go outside and play now? Why, hello there, Ms. Chicarelli. Very nice to see you out and about.

No... no!

Honey

Well, as you can see, Kick is here, at home, helping out. Okay. [slowly closes the door as Ms. Chicarelli continues babbling] You have a good day now.