Kick Buttowski quotes from Kick Buttowski: Suburban Daredevil

Kick

Fail? I don't do "fail"!

Kick

She's good, but I'm better.

Kick

No! You're unstoppable!

Kick

[gasps] Oh... phew... it was only a nightmare. And he just lies there, sleeping like a baby.

Gunther

[removing the thorns from Kick's keister] Stop moving. This is delicate butt surgery.

Kick

The guy on TV said carefully!

Gunther

Do you want me to get the thorns out or not?

Kick

Okay, do another. Go ahead. Do it. Do it! [screams painfully] WHY'D YOU DO IT?!

Jackie

[angrily through gritted teeth when Kick is being paired up with Kendall] Kick should be holding my hand! [crunches Gunther's hand tightly]

Gunther

[screams in pain] You're hurting me! [to Kick as Jackie drags him away; begging desperately] Kick, help!

Everyone, listen up. Each duo will choreograph their own routine for a dance-off.

Kick

[takes his hand out of Kendall's; darkly] Get your girly paws off me.

Kendall

You're the one with the girly hands. I am so not dancing with you.

Kick

I'm not dancing with you.

Kendall

I'd rather spend a day in detention than dance with you.

Kick

I'd rather punch myself in the face than dance with you.

Kendall

I'd like to see that.

Kick

Maybe someday you will.

Kendall

Good, then we agree.

Kick

Yes, surprisingly.

But I'm still not dancing with you.

If you don't want to dance, then you fail.

[shocked] Fail?!

Kendall

I can't fail gym!

Kick

Kick Buttowski does not fail.

Honey

Now, I want you two to behave while we're at the pageant.

Brad

Certainly, mother.

Honey

You've been getting in far too much trouble lately.

Kick

That's in the past, Mom.

Brad

We're quite fond of each other. [he and Kick hug]

Honey

Mm-hmm. I'll be back in three hours.

Brad

[annoyed] This is all your fault, dillweed! Mom busted us again because of you!

Kick

She's good, but she's not this good.

Brad

Well, she's catching us somehow.

Kick

Yes, somehow. I think we've got a tattler in our midst. (And I'm gonna find out who.)

Honey

Okay, boys. Punishment is over. Out of your rooms and outside now. [opens the front door, pushing Kick outside] And don't get into any more trouble. [sternly] I mean it, Kick.

Hello, Mrs. Buttowski.

Kick

Wait a minute. That silhouette, so familiar. Ms. Chicarelli. It was you! You're the one snitching on me.

That's right. It's my responsibility to keep the cul-de-sac safe from the likes of you, troublemaker.

Kick

We were just having fun.

You were loud and out of control! Kids are the worst thing to ever happen to the suburbs… [savagely] MY SUBURBS! [Oskar snarls viciously] It used to be so quiet around here, until all of your brats moved in! [turns to Mr. Vickle, who is cutting some bushes] That goes for you too, Mr. Vickle! You stop cutting those bushes so loudly! [back to Kick, who he gives her the death glare in return] And the next time you disrupt even one blade of grass on this cul-de-sac, you'll be serving a lifetime of grounding.

Honey

[kindly] Don't worry, Ms. Chicarelli. Kick will be on his best behavior. [to Kick; sternly] Right, Kick?

Kick

[with his face all red with irritation and through gritted teeth] Yes, Mom.

Kick

[pacing back and forth outside of Ms. Chicarelli's house; to Brad] She's gotta be stopped! I'm getting busted all over the place.

Brad

Yeah, I guess we better stay as far away from her as possible. [naughtily swipes his brother's skateboard and throws it into Ms. Chicarelli's front yard]

Kick

Chicarelli's yard?! Nothing ever comes back from Chicarelli's yard!

[breaking down as Kick causes too much chaos all over the cul-de-sac] What's going on? [shows up at the Buttowski residence and knocks on the door]

Honey

[answers the door] Yes? Uh, Ms. Chicarelli.

[overreacting] Mrs. Buttowski, at this very moment, that boy of yours is disturbing the peace and ruining the sanctity of the entire neighborhood, and he's breaking trash cans, and buzzing around, crashing into things, and wasting water! He's...that boy is driving me crazy, and he should be grounded because of his menacing, and he's...and he's... [sees Kick appearing behind his mother] HE'S RIGHT THERE!

Kick

Hey, Mom. I'm done cleaning my room. Can I go outside and play now? Why, hello there, Ms. Chicarelli. Very nice to see you out and about.

No... no!

Honey

Well, as you can see, Kick is here, at home, helping out. Okay. [slowly closes the door as Ms. Chicarelli continues babbling] You have a good day now.

Poor Mrs. Buttowski. She picked the hottest day in Mellowbrook history to throw her husband's surprise birthday party. [cut to Kick chilling on a lounge chair, non-sweating] And Kick doesn't sweat one drop. How did you do it?

Kick

It pays to keep a cool head.

Gunther

What does that even mean?

Honey

[groans] Don't worry, everyone. Ice cream's on the way. Cowboy Kelly ice cream bars. Harold has loved them since he was a little baby and ate one every day. He even shared one on our first date… uh, sort of.

They don't make those anymore.

Honey

I know, but there was one box left in deep freeze.

[relieved] Party saved.

Honey

[answers her phone as it rings] Hello? [gasps in horrified shock] The truck broke down! NO COWBOY KELLY BARS!

[dismayed] Party unsaved.

Kick

I guess that's my cue. Time to save the party.

Gunther

[unsure] I don't know, Kick. Remember last time you tried to "save" the party?

Kick

Not this time, Gunther. We're hoping to find that truck, get those Cowboy Kelly bars, and save Dad's birthday party.

Brad

In your dreams, dill weed. This time, the Brad saves Dad's birthday party.

Kick

Hang on! We're going underground!

Gunther

I'm afraid of the dark, and giraffes, but that last one doesn't apply!

Gunther

[opens the box, revealing all the Cowboy Kelly ice cream bars completely melted] I can't believe it! They're all melted!

Kick

[takes out one from his helmet] All but one.

Harold

Ah. I... I can hardly believe it.

Honey

Oh, Kick, you saved your father's birthday party.

Harold

How did you keep it from melting?

Kick

It pays to keep a cool head.

Gunther

Oh, now I know what that means.

Brad

[entering the backyard] Party people, prepare to be saved!

Kendall

Tonight is Ronaldo's birthday dinner! We have got to get unstuck by 7:00, and we cannot let him see us together!

Kick

No one can see us together! And I know just how to get us unstuck.

Kendall

Oh, no. You're making that daredevil face again. And nothing good ever comes from making that face!

Kick

I'll just be inside this desk.

Ms. Fitzpatrick

Okay. You get an "A". And extra credit to anyone who can find my spleen.