RARebecca Askew
How was breakfast this morning?
Tasty.
RARebecca Askew
I meant with your father.
Testy.
S1Drive, He Said
[to Friedman; caffeine buzzed] And you should hear what I'm not telling you, OK, so shut up!
When... when do you plan on having sex?
Oh, at my first opportunity.
What are you? Some kind of Peeping Tom?
It's not my fault I have a... naturally quiet tread.
And then I woke up in the hospital, I saw Dad's face, and I wondered..."Why does Mom think this man is so good-looking?"
I'm not... pregnant.
Then why was there a pregnancy kit in the bathroom? Because *I'm* not pregnant and I'm pretty sure Kevin's not pregnant, which leaves...
Mom.
Okay, I'm an expert on probability, and given factors such as Mom's and Dad's ages, birth control, and the average frequency of sex after twenty-three...
[covering ears] Ewwwww!
S1The Uncertainty Principle
So I asked Grace to do this thing with me, and, at the time, she said "yes". Sort of. But...
Wait, Grace Polk said yes to you?
It was somewhat contingent, but, essentially, yeah.
Huh, you're so gonna get it.
But see, I don't know if she actually remembers me asking, so do I - do I have to do the full reapproach, or...?
What is she going to wear, because they don't make gowns out of fatigues.
What are we talking about?
You asked Grace Polk to the semi-formal.
I asked her to be my partner in the science fair.
Wow. Science really is like sex to you.
S1State of Grace
Y'know, this whole debate is a joke.
FFriedman
I have a very strong rebuttal.
Like it matters? No matter what happens in this debate, those metal detectors will still be there. They will still stop us and search us.
PMr. Price
I would like you to leave, Miss Polk.
Oh, gee, remember free speech, Mr. Price?
EMr. Enfield
Remember decorum? Manners? Civility?
Yeah, all the things that used to keep us down? Well guess what, today is about freedom.
You call what you are doing right now free speech?
EMr. Enfield
You're not debating this young woman, Miss Girardi. I suggest you not deviate from the rules.
FFriedman
[In undertone to Glynis] We're so gonna win this debate.
That's right, Girardi. Party line - that's what it's about.
PMr. Price
Alright, out!
And what's it about for you, Grace? Your idea of freedom is a world where everyone agrees with you?
You believe in this crap?
I don't know what I believe. I know Ramsey came in here with a gun. I know people could have died - you, me. You said I think like this because my father's a cop? Like that's bad? Yeah, my dad is a cop and you may think that makes him some kind of bigot, but he deals with those guns every day. This is not some political thing for him, this is reality. He's had them pointed at him and shoved in his face and that makes it real for me too, because every time I hear that the cops are in someplace and shots are fired, I wonder if I'm ever going to see my father again. I don't think we should have to, like, live in some prison - that sucks - but I do know we have to deal with this. We have to work something out. Even if it's not what we sort of believe in in the first place. I know I'm mouthing off, Mr Enfield, and I can't cite some report to back up my theories. I - this is just how I feel.
SGSecurity Officer God
Do you know what grace is, Joan?
Yeah, pissed off.
SGSecurity Officer God
Do you know the meaning of grace? It's a touch of truth that let's you see the world in a new way. It's a gift that can only be felt when you are open enough to accept it.
S1Night without Stars
[After Will and Helen kiss]
I thought we established the Kitchen as a no PDA zone.
Do you even listen to music?
Nothing legal.
It's just that, I like Adam.
I know, honey.
Mom, please. I know you think I'm dating him but I'm not. I mean, we kissed once (and, please, never repeat that to me or anyone else because I'm already grossed out I told you,) but it was just a kiss. You know, just a one-time kiss.
Okay.
It doesn't mean we're dating, does it?
Well -
Right, I know, of course not. It's just I think Adam thought that it did and he was kinda ... y'know, about it. And I - I - I was sort of ... y'know, too.
Oh...
And now he likes someone else - this, Iris (huh) - and I don't know what he sees in her. I mean, she's all... y'know. I want him to be happy; I'm not one of those people who gets all perky when someone else is miserable (maybe I am), but - but I do think Adam should be happy. Just not before I'm happy. I mean, he can be happy with someone else after I'm happy with someone else. (Does that make me a total maggot? Whatever.) The real question is: should I try to get him back? I mean, what if he falls in love with her and I realize that I do like him and it's too late but if I break them up and get him back but realize that I really don't want to be with him then he's going to hate me again, which I could not stand because I really like him. [Sighs] There's just no good answer here.
Honey, you are dealing with a lot of emotions.
Mom, I can't have this conversation right now, okay?
Maybe if learned how to shoot some hoops, we could turn you into a real man - put a smile on your face.
[Kevin punches Luke in the arm, playfully]
God, why don't you just cut out the cocky athletic crap, Kevin. You're not that guy anymore and never will be again. [Pause] I'm - I'm sorry.
What's your problem? The more things that go my way, the more pissed off you get. What's that about?
I said, "I'm sorry," okay? It won't happen again.
Yes it will. What do you and your science friends call that - Law of Inertia? What is it?
[Kevin punches Luke again]
What's the problem, Luke?
THAT! Right there. Do you have any idea how much I hated you for shoving me and hitting me and making fun of me all the time? And no one would say anything about it because you were the big star and I was just a geek. You know, after your accident, when I heard you'd never walk again, I was happy.
[Kids Joan is supervising are beating a Piniata and Iris walks in]
IIris
Stop! Stop it!
Don't be such a drag, we're just having a little fun.
IIris
Fun? Swinging around a stick and beating things? My father thought it was fun too, just a little fun. Beating us with a stick, just like this. First my mother and then.... Why would you do this?
S1Double Dutch
You can't fix everything, Joan.
She's my friend. I want to know what's gonna happen to her.
I know you do. But sometimes it's enough to plant the seed, walk away, and let the flower grow on its own.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Joan of Arcadia pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.