Jersey Shore quotes

97 total quotes

All Seasons
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Mike "The Situation": [to Snooki] If a guy doesn't like you, it's called fuck you, and there's so many people out there in the world that's gonna like you for you.

Mike "The Situation": If you don't go to the gym, you don't look good, if you don't tan, you're pale, and if you don't do laundry, you ain't got no clothes!

Mike "The Situation": Can I place an order?
Delivery guy: What's the name?
Mike "The Situation": Situation.
Delivery guy: Name?
Mike "The Situation": Yeah. Situation. S-i-t-u-a-t-i-o-n.
Delivery guy: Whatever man, what's your order?

Mike "The Situation": [to Angelina] Clean the house, you dirty mess...Please hit the f--kin' treadmill! You know what, don't even hit the treadmill, hit the elliptical, it's better for you.

Deena: [On Sammi] Bitch, I will smack that fucking grin right off your face, seriously! She's laughing at me.
Mike "The Situation": She's not laughing at you.
[Sammi laughs in background]
Deena: She is.
Mike "The Situation": No, she's not.
Sammi: I definitely am!

Angelina: It's not like anybody's gonna be my friend after this anyway.
Pauly D: That's true.

Mike "The Situation": Everybody loves me, babies, dogs, ya know, hot girls, cougars. I just have unbelievable mass appeal.

Angelina: I feel like this job is beneath me, I'm a bartender. I do, like, great things.

Mike "The Situation": Deena calls herself The Holiday and I like to call her the Holiday Inn, so 6 minutes and 53 seconds into Karma, the Holiday Inn closed early tonight.

Angelina: How do you go in a fucking jacuzzi with a thong and a bra? Wear a thong bikini, that's a little bit more classier if you're gonna wear anything at all, ya know what I mean?

J-Woww: It's juice-head central right now, I'm in heaven.

J-Woww: [on Ronnie and Sammi] I hope they get a fuckin' incurable disease living up there.

Mike "The Situation": Angelina was like a half-ass firecracker. It just fizzled out real quick and made a loud noise.

Emilio Antonio: How many meatballs do you want?
Snooki: I want my face.

J-Woww: Tall, completely jacked, steroids, like, multiple growth hormones...that's the type I'm attracted to.
Season 2