Jersey Shore quotes

97 total quotes

All Seasons
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Mike "The Situation": G.T.L. baby. Gym, Tanning, Laundry.

Mike "The Situation": I felt bad about Snickers getting hit by a couple linebackers. I necessarily didn't want to bring home any sort of zoo creatures what-so-ever. I mean, these broads just probably smelled the food at the house.

Mike "The Situation": I knew she was 18, that ass does not look 12.

Mike "The Situation": I like my clothes like my women...options.
Pauly D: You like your girls like your underwear...dirty.

Mike "The Situation": I wait till the last minute to shave, I wait till the last minute to put the shirt on 'cause you feel fresh. These are rules to live by, shave last minute, haircut the day-of, maybe some tanning and the gym. You gotta do the guido handbook.

Mike "The Situation": If you don't go to the gym, you don't look good, if you don't tan, you're pale, and if you don't do laundry, you ain't got no clothes!

Mike "The Situation": It's like having chicken put on the table with salt and pepper, then somebody takes away the chicken and then you're left with salt and pepper.

Mike "The Situation": It's obvious that Sammi has a crush on me. It goes back to the days of prehistoric kindergarten.

Mike "The Situation": Ronnie's at the club, hooking up with Grenades - that is a bigger, ugly chick - and also Landmines - which is a thin, ugly chick - and um, lovin' life.

Mike "The Situation": To call me fake, it's just blasphemy to talk against the leader like that, in other countries you get hung for that type of shit.

Mike "The Situation": We have an abundance of wife beaters...and we wear them before we go out, before it's T-shirt time. Right before we go out, we take off the tank and then we put on our fresh shirt.

Mike "The Situation": When there was knockin' on the door, I was like, this is either the police for me, this is either some lawyer, somebody's dad, somebody's brother...

Mike "The Situation": With me and Sam, it's not a matter of if she wants to hook up with me, it's a matter of just when I decide.

Mike "The Situation": You can hate on me all you want to, but what can you possibly say to somebody that looks like Rambo, pretty much, with his shirt off.

Pauly D: [about J-Woww] She just doesn't want to feel like a trashbag because she has a boyfriend and she kissed me with her tongue.