Jersey Shore quotes

97 total quotes

All Seasons  Season 1   Season 2  
Season 3
  Season 4  

Deena: [On Sammi] Bitch, I will smack that fucking grin right off your face, seriously! She's laughing at me.
Mike "The Situation": She's not laughing at you.
[Sammi laughs in background]
Deena: She is.
Mike "The Situation": No, she's not.
Sammi: I definitely am!

J-Woww: [on Ronnie and Sammi] I hope they get a fuckin' incurable disease living up there.

Mike "The Situation": Deena calls herself The Holiday and I like to call her the Holiday Inn, so 6 minutes and 53 seconds into Karma, the Holiday Inn closed early tonight.

Mike "The Situation": It's like having chicken put on the table with salt and pepper, then somebody takes away the chicken and then you're left with salt and pepper.

Ronnie: I need a mind condom because I'm being mind fucked.

Ronnie: Snooki walks in the door with this Gremlin look-a-like and she says she's the new roommate.

Snooki: [at work] If I wanna have a beer, I'm allowed to have a beer. This isn't like Law School, this is a T-Shirt Shop.

Snooki: Even though I just met him, Nick seems like the perfect juicehead gorilla for me. And I kinda wanna have sex with him already!

Snooki: Even though we're tiny bitches, I don't give a sh-t...I will fuckin' attack you like a squirrel monkey.

Snooki: Every time I get really excited like if we go to a club, I have to poop. If we go to a party, I have to poop, if I go on a date, like this, with a hot guy, I have to poop.

Snooki: Every time I meet a nice guy, he dies. It's the same with every pet, friend or relative I've ever had. EVERYONE DIES! Next it's gonna be me. Its all just a big conspiracy!
Season 4

Snooki: Honestly, like who hides in a bush? Only me. I will pee in a bush, I will poop in a bush, and I will hide in a bush. I do fucked up shit, I don't even know what's wrong with me.

Snooki: I have Vinny in the house now, maybe I don't need the vibrator. We'll see...

Snooki: It's kinda like a disease to Snook-for-Love, it's worse than a staph infection. It just keeps eating at you and eating at you.

Snooki: Old people, they lose their sex life and that's not a fun time. That's why people always get divorced.