Jersey Shore quotes

97 total quotes

All Seasons  Season 1  
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Angelina: It's not like anybody's gonna be my friend after this anyway.
Pauly D: That's true.

Emilio Antonio: How many meatballs do you want?
Snooki: I want my face.

Mike "The Situation": [to Angelina] Clean the house, you dirty mess...Please hit the f--kin' treadmill! You know what, don't even hit the treadmill, hit the elliptical, it's better for you.

Mike "The Situation": Can I place an order?
Delivery guy: What's the name?
Mike "The Situation": Situation.
Delivery guy: Name?
Mike "The Situation": Yeah. Situation. S-i-t-u-a-t-i-o-n.
Delivery guy: Whatever man, what's your order?

Mike "The Situation": Everybody loves a guy who gets girls...and then everybody doesn't like a girl that is a ho...and it's Angelina.

Mike "The Situation": If you don't go to the gym, you don't look good, if you don't tan, you're pale, and if you don't do laundry, you ain't got no clothes!

Mike "The Situation": Ronnie's at the club, hooking up with Grenades - that is a bigger, ugly chick - and also Landmines - which is a thin, ugly chick - and um, lovin' life.

Mike "The Situation": To call me fake, it's just blasphemy to talk against the leader like that, in other countries you get hung for that type of shit.

Mike "The Situation": We have an abundance of wife beaters...and we wear them before we go out, before it's T-shirt time. Right before we go out, we take off the tank and then we put on our fresh shirt.

Pauly D: [about the cold rain in Rhode Island] Can't stand this weather. Ya can't get tanned in this weather, ya can't creep in this weather, you can't do anything... girls don't come out in this weather, they stay in the house.

Pauly D: My boss seems to think that my hair is gonna fall off and go into the ice cream. This hair ain't movin' my dude. 150 mph on the highway on a street doesn't move! What makes you think it's gonna move in a gelato shop?

Pauly D: Rocio seems mad cool, she's definitely not a ho, she's definitely not a stalker...she's cool.

Pauly D: This guy definitely wrote down a fake number 'cause who the hell would want Angelina to call them after that?

Pauly D: We noticed beached whales at the beach...oh no, I'm sorry, it was Angelina and her friend Gina.

Ronnie: Right away I know it's either Snooki or Jenni, but then I read the letter and I see the word "wisely," and I know Snooki doesn't use that kinda vocabulary.