Jersey Shore quotes

97 total quotes

All Seasons  
Season 1
  Season 2   Season 3   Season 4  

Angelina: How do you go in a fucking jacuzzi with a thong and a bra? Wear a thong bikini, that's a little bit more classier if you're gonna wear anything at all, ya know what I mean?

Angelina: I feel like this job is beneath me, I'm a bartender. I do, like, great things.

J-Woww: It's juice-head central right now, I'm in heaven.

J-Woww: Tall, completely jacked, steroids, like, multiple growth hormones...that's the type I'm attracted to.
Season 2

Mike "The Situation": [to Snooki] If a guy doesn't like you, it's called fuck you, and there's so many people out there in the world that's gonna like you for you.

Mike "The Situation": Angelina was like a half-ass firecracker. It just fizzled out real quick and made a loud noise.

Mike "The Situation": Everybody loves me, babies, dogs, ya know, hot girls, cougars. I just have unbelievable mass appeal.

Mike "The Situation": G.T.L. baby. Gym, Tanning, Laundry.

Mike "The Situation": I felt bad about Snickers getting hit by a couple linebackers. I necessarily didn't want to bring home any sort of zoo creatures what-so-ever. I mean, these broads just probably smelled the food at the house.

Mike "The Situation": I knew she was 18, that ass does not look 12.

Mike "The Situation": I like my clothes like my women...options.
Pauly D: You like your girls like your underwear...dirty.

Mike "The Situation": I wait till the last minute to shave, I wait till the last minute to put the shirt on 'cause you feel fresh. These are rules to live by, shave last minute, haircut the day-of, maybe some tanning and the gym. You gotta do the guido handbook.

Mike "The Situation": It's obvious that Sammi has a crush on me. It goes back to the days of prehistoric kindergarten.

Mike "The Situation": When there was knockin' on the door, I was like, this is either the police for me, this is either some lawyer, somebody's dad, somebody's brother...

Mike "The Situation": With me and Sam, it's not a matter of if she wants to hook up with me, it's a matter of just when I decide.