Jumba I suppose we owe you an explanation, Jackie. You've heard of the Sutras of Raktajiba, yes?
Only at your museum. You said they were just a legend.
JJumba
I lied. You see, the Sutras do very much exist. [Holds Jackie's filling up under a magnifying glass, revealing inscriptions]
JJumba
Magnificent, are they not? A 3000 word incantation, painstakingly inscribed by skilled sorcerers onto a piece of silver no larger than a grain of basmati rice.
Legend foretells that when the Sutras are returned to the Ganges, the river will dry up.
That would be- So, those thieves who have been after me, you've been trying to stop them!
JJumba
Well, no. Actually, they've been trying to stop us. They are not truly thieves, you see. They are Disciples of Mohajah.
Oh, a do-gooder-mystic. A psychic. Claims his mission is to protect India from evil magic.
JJumba
Mohajah suspected I was in possession of the Sutras, and planning to transport them here to India.
But none of us could carry the Sutras without the Mohajah knowing it; that mind reading power of his... real nuisance.
So you had to find a courier who did not know he was carrying the Sutras. Me.
We so appreciate your help, Jackie.
But that means you want to dry up the Ganges River! Why?
JJumba
Have you no sense of vision man? Do you not realize what treasures lie on the riverbed? Centuries worth of artifacts; silver, gold, riches beyond measure, there for the taking!
Millions of people depend upon the river for farming, and travel, and- Lives will be destroyed!
Our Jackie's a bit of a sentimentalist. So sweet! But really, one must have priorities. We're talking about the archaeological event of the millennium. If a few people must be inconvenienced... [shrug]
You are bad people! All of you!
JJumba
Yes, soon to be very rich people!
Hyah! Nobody moves, nobody gets hurt!
Jade?! I told you to go back to the hotel room!
Lost my key. Okay, now. Let the Chan Man go.
Dr. Weber, give the child a lollipop.
I cannot believe I'm stuck in the jungle with such a spoiled brat.
I was talking about him. [beckons to Smith] Mr. Smith, please. We must stay together. There are many dangers in the bush!
SSmith
Yes, yes, so you keep saying. [to his butler] Hop to it, Larsen.
Why don't we ditch Frik and Frak and have some real fun? Go swinging with the monkeys, or wrestle a crocodile! Whaddya say, Big J?
I'm sorry Jade, but you must learn that growing up sometimes means having to do things that are not fun.
Pfft. Like guiding obnoxious jerks through the jungle just because they give lots of money to the museum?
In that case, I never wanna grow up. [eyes widen] What am I saying? I can't wait to grow up! Get my own car, cellphone- which now that you mention it-
SSmith
[holding the Chalice of Life] Everything I've ever hoped for, Larsen! Right here, right now! Eternal youth; eternal life!
LLarsen
Perhaps you would like me to sample it first, sir? To make sure it's safe?
SSmith
Uh, no that won't be necessary. Oh you don't think I'd leave you out of this, old friend? After all your years of faithful service?
LLarsen
Well, I had hoped-
SSmith
Larsen, I want you by my side to serve me forever!
I'm in the woods, I'm tired, cold, and hungry. And I'm being hunted! [shines flashlight on Jackie] Ah!
Jade, I thought you were going to gather firewood.
Hello?! Have you learned nothing from the movies? Whoever gets the firewood is always the creeping terror's first victim.
So that's what happened to the other little girl I sent for firewood.
VVillager
It is just as we told El Toro! The Chupacabra attacked our house!
And what exactly did the creature look like?
VCVillager Child
It was giant with glowing red eyes, four fangs, oh claws too, and it howled like this: Arooooo!
Yup. Sounds like a chimichanga to me.
Kinda. [looking at an old book depicting one of Jackie's ancestors] The ghost of Jackie.
[picking up the book] "The Hong Kong Kid".
Aiya! Do not scare Uncle like that!
Amazing! The picture looks just like me! This book must be about my great-great grandfather!
Fine, take home. Make good bedtime story.
HKHong Kong Kid (Jackie)
Uh, howdy partners.
CTCowboy Thug
Well looky here boys. We got us a railroad worker.
LTLarge Thug
Railroad workers ain't allowed in this here establishment, ain't that right, Moreen?
MMoreen
I don't want no trouble here!
HKHong Kong Kid
Oh, no trouble ma'am. I would just like a ginger ale, with lots of ice please. Very thirsty. I've been working on the railroad... [the thugs sit next to him] Uh... all the live long day?
[a very well dressed, well behaved young woman arrives via stagecoach]
NNiece (Jade)
Uncle Jackie?
HKHong Kong Kid
Uh, I am Jackie.
NNiece (Jade)
I am your niece. Just arrived from Hong Kong.
[outside the story]
This is so cool! She's my long lost, great-great something or other! I bet you she looked exactly like me.
Uh, actually it says here that the Sheriff's niece was very tall, and fifteen years old.
[the well dressed niece is replaced by a younger, rowdy looking niece resembling Jade]
