Jackie Chan Adventures · Season 1
You are in my soup!
Our locator spells have intersected.
I will seize control of the chi waves, novice. My power is far greater...
Eeee-Ya! [Casts a Chi spell which results in a repetitive feedback image]
One more thing.[blows raspberry] One more thing. [blows raspberry] One more thing...
Monkey Talisman and Monkey King?
Coinkidink?
Forget Monkey King. We must catch Monkey Magic before Daolon Wong does.
And you went through all the trouble to see us... why?
Let's see, maybe... oh a little something I like to call REVENGE!
[lowering the Shapeshifting Monkey into the Kilauea volcano] Uh oh, my simian senses are tingling!
We want our monkey, monkey!
Oh, it's all about him isn't it?! You think he's funnier than me, don't you?!
Uh, of course not! Everyone knows that the Money King is the funniest ape of all.
I do not think he's so funny- [elbowed by Jade]
Well you'll really love my weird sense of humor when you and monkey-boy are swimming in lava, 'cause I'm gonna make Kilauea blow sky-high!
The Monkey King cannot activate volcanoes!
Just watch me, gramps! I know a family recipe! [begins tossing ingredients into the lava pit] Magic monkey syrup, pure cane sugar, one carton of aged goat milk- EEGH! [Daolon Wong appears behind the Monkey King] An untuned Hawaiian guitar, a fine tuned tuning fork, a tuna on rye, hold the mayo-
[grabs the Monkey King] Talisman power, be mine!
Paws off the fur, Shakespeare! I'm busy here!
Never thought I'd be rooting for Daolon Wong over anybody. [they start to run, only to be trapped by Daolon Wong] On second thought, go Monkey King.
Monkey King?
Aah, I should have recognized the antics of the famed prankster puppet made flesh.
Monkey King And I've got a payback gig with an exploding volcano finale, that you're messing up!
So, why do I see no lava?
Huh? [goes over his ingredients list again; gasp] I'm still three pounds of wood short of a gusher!
Then for your lousy spell-making, you shall return to wood! [casts a Chi spell on the Monkey King]
[turning into a puppet] EVERYONE'S A CRITIC!
[after the "lava" engulfs them, only revealed to be cherry gelatin] Cha is not so hot.
Now what's a city feller like you want with a 280 pound Hampshire Boar?
Uh, good question, Farmer MacDonald. Well, I am an archaeologist and-
You mean like a eye doctor?
Uh, no. That is an optometrist. Archeologists study very old things.
Old? Mordecai ain't turned three yet!
[when the Farm Hands attack Jackie]
Please, can't we just talk about- [attacked]
Maybe they don't know how to talk.
My brother E.B. here graduated Stanford Phi Beta Kappy.
And Buford here is a renowned nuclear physicist. [throws Jackie against a wall]
Dr. Buford MacDonald??? Your books are very insightful.
Thank ye. [punches Jackie]
[as Jackie fights Daolon Wong] What in Sam Hill's nanny is going on here?!
The animals have magic powers, and dark forces have come to claim them.
[pause]
Magic? Well why didn't you just say so in the first place?
[as the Rooster uses its powers to lift MacDonald's entire house]
They're defying the known laws of physics!
Jackie, I don't think we're in Kansas anymore!
Jade, bring the pig this wa- [runs out the door, only to nearly fall out of the flying house] WAH! The house is flying?!
Hello? Did you not catch my Wizard of Oz reference?
There's no place like home... to kick your butt!
Whoa. Now I see why they call this place bizarre.
Jade, it is a bazaar.
Anywhere grown men playing with baby toys is bizarre in my book.
Uncle is not playing. This rattle's filled with enchanted teeth of mongoose which will lead us to the snake which possesses the power of invisibility.
[Jackie lifts a basket which reveals an angered Cobra]
Do not even breathe. Cobras are very poisonous.
[frozen in fear] I know...
Tohru, you did not tell Uncle you invited Spider-Woman! [Jackie, succumbing to the snake venom, groggily falls into Uncle's arms] See? Even Jackie moans with displeasure at her arrival.
Uh, Jackie? Are you alright? Jackie? [holds up fingers] How many fingers do you see?
Uhhh... what's a Jackie?
[gasp] Jackie has been bitten by snake!
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Jackie Chan Adventures pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.
