OK, all right, I'm ready to rock.
And who are you supposed to be?
Bob Dylan, man. Check this out [hands Mac a crudely drawn picture]
Jesus, we're all over the place. [looks at picture] Is this a page from a coloring book?
No, dude, that's 'Night Man', those are lyrics.
Whatever, let's just rock.
Okay, this is what I'm talking about.
All right, where's my curtain?
Charlie, don't worry about the curtain, you're not gonna need it.
I want a curtain blocking my face.
[to an unkempt man working on wiring] Go on, go have a beer, Ernie.
[singing] Night Man, sneaky and mean. Spider inside my dreams, I think I love you. You make me want to cry, you make me want to die. I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you, Night Man. Every night you come into my room and pin me down with your strong arms, And pin me down and I try to fight you, You come inside me and fill me up and I become the Night Man. (At first, Mac and Frank appear to be cool with Charlie's lyrics, but when he starts in with the second part, they both stop playing and look at Charlie as if to say, "What the hell is this shit?")
Whoa, whoa, whoa, Charlie. Hang on a second. I mean the first half of that song was kind of cool, but what's with the second half?
It's about the Night Man, like, you know, like filling me up, and I become him, I become the spirit of the Night Man.
But it sounds like a song where a man breaks into your house and rapes you.
What, dude? Where are you getting that from? Alright, [resumes singing] It's just two men sharing the night. It might seem wrong, but it's just right. It's just two men sharing each other. It's just two men like lovin' brothers. One on top, and one on bottom. One inside, and the other is out. One is screaming he's so happy and the other's yelling a passionate shout. It's the Night Man. The feeling so wrong and right man, the feeling so wrong and right man. I can't fight you man when you come inside me and pin me down with your strong hands and I become the Night... the passionate, passionate Night Man.
We need a new front man...
[singing] They took you, Night Man, and you don't belong to them. They left me in a world of darkness without your sexy hands, and I miss you, Night Man, so bad... [hits piano, starts mumbling] stupid! Can't write anything. [huffs spray paint]
[Enters Charlie's apartment without knocking] Charlie, let's join forces.
What happened to your band?
[laughs] Well, it hurts, doesn't it?
Hm. What's with the curtains?
I'm living in a world of darkness.
Right. Let's get some light in here. [pulls curtains off, filling room with light, notices Charlie's face] Whoa, what's with the spray paint, man?
Uhh...what's with your outfit man? [Dennis is wearing spandex]
Why don't we put the curtains back up...
No, no...what is going on up here, man? [laughing]
Well, I just broke up with Kevin!
Dee, we're trying to practice!
I can't do it! I can't get it out of my head! I don't know if he's retarded or not, but I can't stop thinking about it!
Dee, we're trying to have band practice here!
I mean, I was gonna ride this guy to the top, you know what I mean? He was gonna put me in one of his rap videos!
Look, the guy's not retarded, okay?
(beat)
Yeah, I was just saying that to mess with you.
Why? Why would you do something like that?
It's not funny! It's not funny at all! This guy's perfect for me, and you've gone and blown it! You've ruined everything! You are a bad, bad person.
(points at Dennis' jumpsuit)
So, that guy's not retarded?
Oh no, he's totally retarded.
LKLil' Kev
[rapping] Let me tell y'all a story bout a girl I knew,
A broke-ass bitch with a gay-ass crew.
She said that I was cute, she said that I was funny,
But the honey couldn't stop lookin' at my money,
Busted old lady with a flat tiny ass,
Body like a skeleton in science class,
Face beat up by the School of Hard Knocks,
Hair so fried and bleached by Clorox,
Its like she's skinny, fat in all the wrong places,
Mothers gotta cover they babies faces,
When she walks by people think she's Godzilla,
Straight outa Compton y'all, naw, straight outa Thrilla,
Lookin' like a zombie, walkin' like a chicken,
Mouth full of shit, that's why her breath be stinkin',
Just one question Dee, before you take your bow:
"This gravy train's leavin, so who's retarded now?"
How did you guys get a hotel room without puttin' a credit card down?
We did use a credit card, man. I took it out of your wallet. (smashes a lamp)
Frank (sitting up): Wait a minute, my credit card number's down at the desk?
Frank (panicked): You mean, we're smashin' up a hotel room with my credit card down at the desk? Why would you do that?
Uh, they don't let you book a hotel room without putting a credit card down, Frank. What year do you think it is? (smashes a wine bottle against a wall)
We gotta put this stuff back together again!
Charlie, get the glue! Gimme the glue!
Glue is for huffing, dude!
It's part of the process! It's part of the process, Frank!
THIS IS NOT ROCK AND ROLL!
Hold on, hang on! You did not get that point down there! That was my point! That was my point! Retarded, two, Normal, one!
She practically came out and told us he was retarded! Retarded, four, Normal, zero!
Whoa, hold on a second! Where'd four come from? It's definitely not four!
Dennis (ticking off the items): Well, let's see: there's the driving, the drooling in the yearbook, the "overcoming the odds," the living with the mom? And now the "special" thing. You know what, it's not four, it's five!
Oh, yeah? What are you, the Point King? You just pick up points left and right? It's Retaded, three, Normal, one!
Oh, come on, there's so much more retarded stuff out there!
