GIR, I'll be down in the lab bathing in paste. Don't disturb me. AAAAAAAH! MY HEAD GOT STUCK! GIR, HELP I CANT BREATHE! I–
S1 E5Attack of the Saucer Morons
S1 E6Career Day
What does identifying blotches have to do with determining our future careers?
Oh, you poor doomed child.
Zim, the machine says that the only career you are suitable for is-
Yes, yes! Lord of humans! I will rule you all with an iron fist!
No, Zim. The machine has assigned you a career in fast food preparation.
Then I will prepare food with my iron fist! Then I will work my way up to ruling you all with my fist! [to Melvin] You! [shakes fist in Melvin's face] Obey the fist!
A crop circle?
BBill
Beautiful, isn't it? It's a message from creatures much more intelligent than us! Space beings who have traveled millions of light years to say something, but what does it mean?
I think this one's a fake.
BBill
You're one of those skeptics, aren't you? Always questioning, always picking away at my theories! One day you'll see that–
[Dib points to cow rolling around, making the crop circle]
Can we go to McMeatie's now? It's 4:45, if we hurry, we can make it!
BBill
Hmmm...the aliens must be controlling the cow...
That is not a supernatural cow! This is ridiculous! You believe in all the stupidest things when real proof is right under your nose!
[Gaz is about to take a bite from the last slice of pizza. Dib takes it from her]
Oh yeah!! Thanks, Gaz! Don't wanna starve to death while saving the world!
Let it be known that from this day until the end of the day, vengeance will be mine! Dib, you will not know the meaning of peace for I shall rain misery down upon your pizza-stealing heart!
How am I supposed to know what Dad's first sentient thought was?
It was "I will poop now." It's all here in his autobiography.
[A random fangirl wearing a Prof. Membrane bust hat appears and cuts them off.]
F1Fangirl #1
That's not it! It's–
[Fangirl is interrupted as Gaz pushes her away.]
[A girl turns in her audience admission exam to a robot]
ERExam Robot
94%. Your score is...unacceptable!
[The girl's desk races backwards to a door which slams shut after she goes into it. Dib turns in his exam]
ERExam Robot
94.1%. Your score is...acceptable! Congratulations!
[The robot plays a tiny fanfare and shoots confetti]
Okay, that was annoying. But at least it was easy.
Cyb-arachno? Spider Robots? Do spiders have robots?
S1 E7Planet Jackers
GIR! Come to the observatory!
Yes?
What have you done to the telescope?
Nothin'.
You haven't touched it? Something is broken and it's not your fault?
I know...I'm scared too...
NNik
Look at that, binary system. That's a pair of stars orbiting around each other. You ever been to a binary system?
OAOog-ah
No.
NNik
Would it kill you to say something?
OAOog-ah
Quiet or I'll eat your head. Is that enough words for you?
What do you think you're doing?
NNik
Well, you see that planet back there?
[Zim looks at the Earth, which is being towed behind them]
Yes.
NNik
We're going to throw it into our sun. Why? You got a problem with that?
OAOog-ah
That one's gonna burn real good. Lots of critters. Critters burn good.
The Earth is safe! I did it, GIR! Now let's go destroy it!
Yay!
Tell me a story about giant pigs!
I laugh at your pitiful attempt at spying! Here I go. [laughs]
Go on! Laugh! But one day, you'll be sitting in your house feeling all safe and secure, and then you'll look over and I'll be there, doin' stuff!
Stuff?!? In my home?!? Never! You'd have to find some kind of flaw in my security net! Since that could never possibly happen, you'll have to do your "stuff" elsewhere! [pauses] You haven't discovered some kind of a flaw, have you?
Let's just say your home defenses could use some tightening...
Nothing breaches my defenses, nothing! You hear me, squirrel-boy? Nothing! [A Bloaty's Pizza delivery guy comes to the door and GIR answers] Hey! Hey!
BSBloaty's Pizza Guy
Here's the pizza you ordered!
Thank you.... [starts crying] I-I love you!
GIR! We fend humans away from our home, not invite them over!
[leaves] I had a coupon!
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Invader Zim pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.