MarshallYou're not annoyed at taking a backseat?
Are you kidding me? It's Goofus & Gallant in there I get the easy one. The backseat's the least I could hope for; I'm looking for the trunk.
Good. That's good. Good deal.
As for your smug little attitude, I'm not so much bothered by it as I am memorizing it. You know, for when this all blows up in your face.
And for the record, just because my boobs are so big Dolly Parton could sue for silhouette infringement, doesn't mean I'm some delicate flower, some porcelain doll.
Marshall
You know, a layer of porcelain is incorporated into the shell of most modern tanks as an anti-explosive.
Look, this isn't new. This is no big deal. We've been pushing them out since time began. In mangers, in taxicabs, out in the fields. You think this is going to stop me from doing my job? [phone rings] Watch. [looks at phone] Damn it.
Marshall
What do you got?
Marshall
[deadpan] Have fun.
Marshall
"Luke" now. Interesting.
What's interesting? It's his name.
Marshall
You two went to lunch?
I had to eat. He was there. Whatever.
Marshall
You make it sound so romantic.
Romantic? Marshall. Look at me. Babar's sexier than I am.
Marshall
Pregnant women are only less attractive to men who have never... consummated with one.
Marshall
No. I mean, it wasn't my baby.
Blech, Marshall. Gross. Look, if you're into that stuff, find a website.
Marshall
No, it's complicated. I was in college.
Okay, you need to stop talking now. What is all this? What, you got a mope angling for new digs? Uh, it's, uh...
Marshall
It's not for a witness. It's for me. For me and Abigail, actually.
You and Abigail. Interesting. So who's renting the u-haul?
Marshall
Still sorting that out. We've both gotten pretty set in our ways.
Yeah, well... How set in her ways could a 12-year-old get, right?
Marshall
Point is, my place doesn't feel right to her, her place doesn't feel right to me.
Hmm. That's odd. I mean, Abigail's so neat and girly, and you're so neat and girly. Well, you know what I think.
Marshall
It's not a sign that we shouldn't move in together. It's a--a glitch.
Marshall
A bump.
A bump. Huh. Here you go. How about this place? The prairie-style one. It's perfect.
Marshall
Um... listen. We don't have to get into this if you don't want, but all this with the Templeton's, the adoption, that's all... set in stone?
Are you serious? Oh, my God, get in line. Tell Brandi and Jinx I say hi.
Marshall
Hey, I just thought, I don't know, this Grace situation might've churned up some second thoughts for you.
Well, obviously, it's churned up some second thoughts for you. You clearly think I'm making a bad decision.
Marshall
No, just a hard one. Look, whatever you're going to do, I have total faith that it'll be the right thing for you, for everyone. But it's hard for me to stand here and go on about being here for Grace no matter what without making it clear that the same thing goes for you, times ten. No matter what.
Marshall
So...
Marshall
So, still holding firm on the Templetons?
Oh, yeah, right, Marshall. 'Cause cradling a newborn for 30 seconds turned my whole world upside-down.
Marshall
Then why keep the picture?
Marshall
Ah, for the report, right. Good thinking.
Marshall, seriously. Look at his face. It's like a Pug got tossed in the dryer.
Marshall
I scared you? For me it was the sniper fire. Ow.
Don't a baby. Let me get the glass out.
Marshall
Sorry you got dragged into this sub-optimal situation.
Well, I'm not sure I mentioned it, but in my off-time I do a little detective work. Dead bodies, flying bullets, kind a part of the job description.
Marshall
If anything happened, I want you to know I...
What? You'd throw yourself on top of Mary?
Marshall
No. I mean, yes. She's my partner, Abigail, and she's pregnant. My instincts kicked in.
Marshall
Do you?
Marshall
You're in your third trimester. The baby's exerting pressure on your lumbar spine, obstructing the venous return from your legs.
Is it wrong to want to pop this kid out early on the off chance it'll stop your graphic recollections of freshman bio?
Marshall
It's perfectly natural.
I should have been here for her. [referring to her sister Brandi]
Marshall
It was impossible today, and you are every other day.
Marshall, it was her wedding day and I was AWOL. AWOL maid of honor. So, earlier, you know, thanks for, you know.
Marshall
The courthouse?
Yeah. By the way, you falling on top of me instead of her, how'd that go over with Nancy Drew?
Marshall
I told her it was just instinct.
You douche. You said that?
Marshall
She understands. She gets it. You're my partner.
Yeah. Running through that hallway today, the bullets flying, the running, I don't know. I just, you really feel the weight of this, you know? I just... I don't know.
Marshall
Uh, listen, I can...
No, no. It's fine. I'm fine. Really.
Marshall
You need a lift?
Marshall
Come on. I'm not going to leave you, literally, at the altar. Well, technically it's a chuppah. A chuppah. Chuppah.
Don't. Don't make me laugh. My uterus. No guttural C-H.
DDelia
[to Marshall] Listen, after you meet with your witness I was thinking we could duck and hide on the answer.
Aw, have you two deskmates developed your own little secret code language? So sweet. Excuse me while I puke on this puke.
Marshall
We're taking about Stan.
What about him? Whoa, whoa. Back up. Is there Stan gossip? I'm on the sidelines six months and you withhold? You know I live for Stan gossip! All right, hit me.
Marshall
Stan McQueen has taken a lover.
No! Oh my God, this is huge! And ew! Is she cute? Is she fat? Tell me she's fat. Hold on! Is it someone we know? Brief me! Down to the last, dirty detail.
Marshall
Who's saying it is? I'm just saying we were up all night with Oscar; the stomach thing.
I swear to God, there should be a special place in prison, a wing at Gitmo, for people who compare owning an animal to having a baby.
Marshall
Would you call it your pet peeve?
Oh, fun! Word play. Look, dogs are lazy, Marshall, they're laconic. Babies are terrorists, they're relentless, they never let you rest; they're like little, fat alarm clocks.
Did you see that? That was the you know. That was the "personal event."
Marshall
Yeah, and he was humming. Humming!
Exactly. Sure, Stan's a positive guy, chipper; I mean, hell, he's a jolly, white George Jefferson, but he is not a hummer! That came out wrong.
Marshall
So, Norah, tough first day?
You know she doesn't understand, and even if she did she couldn't answer. You know why?
Marshall
'Cause she's a baby?
Marshall
They're like sponges at this stage. She must have picked up something.
I'm so tired. You know what I need? A stay at home wife. Gay marriage, that's not legal yet?
Marshall
There's always a statewide referendum. You want a hand?
I got it. You know what, just take the diaper bag. And my other bag. [picks up Norah's carrier] Honestly, just pick me up.
[referring to their guide] She's pretty. Pretty young.
Marshall
I hadn't noticed.
Really? You hadn't noticed her shameless flirting?
Marshall
I'm kind of focused on the manhunt.
Here's what I don't get: when did you become the George Clooney to the Veronica Mars set?
Marshall
You've got a little venom on your chin.
Wait a minute, what? The guy who couldn't stand to be in the same room with John suddenly is simpatico? Oh, I see. You've got it too: the Betty/Veronica complex. The blonde work wife, the underage, brunette girlfriend.
Marshall
Did you just call yourself my work wife?
[whispers] I think I did. [makes a face]
In Plain Sight · 332 quotes
