Procreation is remarkable in its complexity...
MaryHere we go.
And its relative simplicity.
Mary
Kill me now.
What comes after: family dynamics, hopes and dreams, the triumphs, the tragedies.
Mary
Sweet Jesus, shut your hole.
Mary
I can't believe I'm pregnant.
I know you can't, and yes you are.
Mary
I'm not sure I know how to do this.
It's just like you said, treat it like a witness: protect and relocate.
Mary
Yeah.
We'll make a list. You do like lists.
Mary
I do like a list.
I'll draw up a template tomorrow with 'locate nearest restroom' on every other line. Can I walk you out? I'll let you get the door.
Mary
No, I've got some stuff to finish up.
Okay. We'll talk more tomorrow.
Mary
Don't threaten me. [smiles as Marshall laughs]
I think I want to adopt Vick.
Mary
He has parents, Marshall. Plus, two nerds don't make a right.
I know, it's just hanging out with him I can't help thinking about what it would be like: fatherhood. Speaking of which, you know you have to tell Mark about this stuff, right? [motions to her belly]
Mary
No. It was a one night stand. I don't have to tell my ex-husband anything. That's what one night stands and ex-husbands are for.
Mary
She sent you to what? To spy on me?
No, this is a solo mission, but it's all starting to make sense. She doesn't know about your...
Mary
Growth Spurt, no, and now you're running around like some sort of munch kin P.I. because Brandi thinks I'm mad at her?
Mary
And you're here of your own volition? She has no know ledge?
Mary
Sneaking around. Keeping secrets. Going behind my sister's back? This brother-in-law thing could work for me. I could milk this. No jokes. None.
Mary
[listening to federal prosecutor] Listen to him. We run the race, he takes the victory lap. How long have you know this ballbag anyway?
You two aren't related, are you? Inbred in-laws from feuding clans?
Mary
Come on, you're killing me! Give it up, Stan.
Mary
Mother? Sister? Say mother.
Mary
What?!
Mary
Stanley, up top! [Mary and Marshall hold up their hands for a high five] Come on. No? [high fives Marshall]
Ex-fiance. I mean, to be clear, she is now his ex-fiance, all right? And I had no idea they were involved when we got intimate. That's...
Mary
Look at him. Just standing there. Like we're going to just leave it at that.
You're not annoyed at taking a backseat?
Mary
Are you kidding me? It's Goofus & Gallant in there I get the easy one. The backseat's the least I could hope for; I'm looking for the trunk.
Good. That's good. Good deal.
Mary
As for your smug little attitude, I'm not so much bothered by it as I am memorizing it. You know, for when this all blows up in your face.
Mary
And for the record, just because my boobs are so big Dolly Parton could sue for silhouette infringement, doesn't mean I'm some delicate flower, some porcelain doll.
You know, a layer of porcelain is incorporated into the shell of most modern tanks as an anti-explosive.
Mary
Look, this isn't new. This is no big deal. We've been pushing them out since time began. In mangers, in taxicabs, out in the fields. You think this is going to stop me from doing my job? [phone rings] Watch. [looks at phone] Damn it.
Mary
Ultrasound appointment.
CCarlos
Your loved ones hurt you when you were a child. It made you fear getting close to anyone because they may hurt you too.
Mary
My family wasn't perfect and kids are hardwired from an early age. I mean, I've seen more...savvy insight on $2 t-shirt and novelty mugs.
CCarlos
Now you have a child on its way. And a very important choice to make.
Mary
Says who?
Mary
What's interesting? It's his name.
Mary
I had to eat. He was there. Whatever.
You make it sound so romantic.
Mary
Romantic? Marshall. Look at me. Babar's sexier than I am.
Pregnant women are only less attractive to men who have never... consummated with one.
Mary
Oh. What?
No. I mean, it wasn't my baby.
Mary
Blech, Marshall. Gross. Look, if you're into that stuff, find a website.
No, it's complicated. I was in college.
Mary
Okay, you need to stop talking now. What is all this? What, you got a mope angling for new digs? Uh, it's, uh...
It's not for a witness. It's for me. For me and Abigail, actually.
Mary
You and Abigail. Interesting. So who's renting the u-haul?
Still sorting that out. We've both gotten pretty set in our ways.
Mary
Yeah, well... How set in her ways could a 12-year-old get, right?
Point is, my place doesn't feel right to her, her place doesn't feel right to me.
Mary
Hmm. That's odd. I mean, Abigail's so neat and girly, and you're so neat and girly. Well, you know what I think.
It's not a sign that we shouldn't move in together. It's a--a glitch.
Mary
A glitch.
Mary
A bump. Huh. Here you go. How about this place? The prairie-style one. It's perfect.
Um... listen. We don't have to get into this if you don't want, but all this with the Templeton's, the adoption, that's all... set in stone?
Mary
Are you serious? Oh, my God, get in line. Tell Brandi and Jinx I say hi.
Hey, I just thought, I don't know, this Grace situation might've churned up some second thoughts for you.
Mary
Well, obviously, it's churned up some second thoughts for you. You clearly think I'm making a bad decision.
No, just a hard one. Look, whatever you're going to do, I have total faith that it'll be the right thing for you, for everyone. But it's hard for me to stand here and go on about being here for Grace no matter what without making it clear that the same thing goes for you, times ten. No matter what.
Mary
Marshall, I just...
Mary
So what?
So, still holding firm on the Templetons?
Mary
Oh, yeah, right, Marshall. 'Cause cradling a newborn for 30 seconds turned my whole world upside-down.
Then why keep the picture?
Mary
This? This is evidence.
Ah, for the report, right. Good thinking.
Mary
Marshall, seriously. Look at his face. It's like a Pug got tossed in the dryer.
What's up? You get some bad news?
Mary
No, I just...Cancelled my meeting with the Templetons. It's the adoptive family.
What does that mean, "cancelled"?
Mary
I don't know. I just...Well, all I know is I don't need to know tonight.
Mary
God, I'm tired.
You're in your third trimester. The baby's exerting pressure on your lumbar spine, obstructing the venous return from your legs.
Mary
Is it wrong to want to pop this kid out early on the off chance it'll stop your graphic recollections of freshman bio?
Mary
I should have been here for her. [referring to her sister Brandi]
It was impossible today, and you are every other day.
Mary
Marshall, it was her wedding day and I was AWOL. AWOL maid of honor. So, earlier, you know, thanks for, you know.
Mary
Yeah. By the way, you falling on top of me instead of her, how'd that go over with Nancy Drew?
I told her it was just instinct.
Mary
You douche. You said that?
She understands. She gets it. You're my partner.
Mary
Yeah. Running through that hallway today, the bullets flying, the running, I don't know. I just, you really feel the weight of this, you know? I just... I don't know.
Mary
No, no. It's fine. I'm fine. Really.
Mary
I'm good.
Come on. I'm not going to leave you, literally, at the altar. Well, technically it's a chuppah. A chuppah. Chuppah.
Mary
Don't. Don't make me laugh. My uterus. No guttural C-H.
DDelia
[to Marshall] Listen, after you meet with your witness I was thinking we could duck and hide on the answer.
Mary
Aw, have you two deskmates developed your own little secret code language? So sweet. Excuse me while I puke on this puke.
Mary
What about him? Whoa, whoa. Back up. Is there Stan gossip? I'm on the sidelines six months and you withhold? You know I live for Stan gossip! All right, hit me.
Stan McQueen has taken a lover.
Mary
No! Oh my God, this is huge! And ew! Is she cute? Is she fat? Tell me she's fat. Hold on! Is it someone we know? Brief me! Down to the last, dirty detail.
SFDr. Shelley Finkel
The pregnancy was unplanned?
Mary
Uh, yes. Not that it's any of your business. I'm sorry, what does my family planning have to do with the shooting?
SShelley
I don't know, but 39-year-olds don't tend to have accidents with birth control.
Mary
Yeah, they do; all the time.
SShelley
You want my theory? Your sister was getting her act together.
Mary
Was being the operative word.
SShelley
Your mother was sober.
Mary
Still is.
SShelley
You need someone new to protect, so you got yourself knocked up. So, my theory: what do you think?
Mary
I think that the hour is up.
In Plain Sight · 332 quotes
