[looks to Carly] Carly, is it wrong to tell a person that it's not polite to talk with their mouth full of lasagna?
[looks to Carly and scoffs] Is it wrong for a person to pick on every little thing I do?
[frustrated as she slams her fork down and, gets up] Yes. And yes! You both should be furious with each other! [walks over to their table and pushes Sam over hard] Furious!
Well, I wouldn't say I'm furious.
Well, you should be furious! What guy wants to go on a date and watch a girl go: [mocking Sam's table manners] "Bleh! I'm Sam Puckett! Bleh! Wa-wa-wa."
[to Sam] And how can you sit there and listen to that whiny nub go: [mocking Freddie nitpicking at Sam] "Bleh! You're using too much Parmesan! Bleh! Don't chew with your mouth open! Bleh!" Seriously! Why don't you two just pick up your forks, and use them to jab each other in the eyes?! [slams fork down on the table].
Carly? I'm coming in, I got a friend. [holds up a puppy]
Yeah, he's really cute! [strokes the puppy]
You hear that little guy? Mommy loves you!
Uh, uh, why did you call me his mommy?
Well you know, Sam and Freddie are always hanging out together now,
And that means you and I are going to have more time, just the two of us!
So I figured sharing a dog would give us something to talk about!
Those stars you put on the ceiling look so cool.
Good. 'Cause it wasn't easy getting 'em up there.
Even harder. That thing weighs like 60 pounds.
Yeah. Had to use a bunch of big long screws, and a steel cable to stur—
[The moon on the ceiling falls on Spencer and Carly.]
SCSpencer and Carly
(Groan)
See, this is why I don't like to leave the house. What do we do with it? [pokes Spencer in the stomach]
The possibilities are limitless!
We can play on it, we can sit on it and listen to music, we can have a barbecue on it-
Heck yeah! Got my own racket and shuttlecock!
Sweet! [high fives Gibby] Oh! And at night, we can just lay on the grass and, stare up at the stars.
[Spencer and Gibby look up]
Okay. [walks over to the kitchen]
Man, wait 'till Sam and Freddie see this. I bet they love lawns.
I don't like couples that are all public with their.. [makes kissing noises, trying to make fun of Sam and Freddie kissing]
Oh c'mon! Sam and Freddie have spent years practically hating each other, I think it's kinda nice to see them being all... [makes kissing noises]
No no, it's more like... [makes more kissing noises]
[Carly and Spencer carry on making kissing noises making fun of Sam and Freddie]
Haha. Look at this lawn. This is one sweet patch. [starts stroking the grass]
SSencer
You know that's Kentucky Chuck grass.
[Sam walks in quite angry]
Don't walk away from me when I'm talking to you!
Okay, look, it's not that i didn't appre-
What are you guys fighting about?
Mr. Fracs gave me a B on my world history paper and I was mad because I thought I deserved an A.
That's right, you told me you were mad at Fracs.
That didn't mean I wanted revenge!
If he's gonna give you B's, why shouldn't I give him bees?
I filled his car with bees.
I don't need you to fight my battles for me.
Come on baby, you wrote a good paper.
I know, but you can't just go around-
Alright, listen. Sam, Freddie should be able to complain about people to you without worrying that you're gonna put them in a hospital.
And Freddie, even though it's a little extreme, to violate a man with bees, you should a least appreciate that Sam did it because she cares about you.
(Sighs) Yeah, you're right. I'm sorry.
(Puts her arms out towards him) Give mama some sugar.
Okay. [they kiss and hug]
SGSpencer and Gibby
Awww.
Don't you guys wanna go to dinner by yourselves? You know, like, just the two of you?
Nah, everytime we're alone for an hour, we fight about something.
So, we want you to come with us, 'cause you always come up with smart ways for us to compromise.
And anyway, have you ever had the lasagna at Pini's?
Good? [walks to his cart]
Uh, it is so good that when I die, please bury me naked in a bathtub full of Pini's lasagna!
So, things are going good with you and Freddie?
Yeah, way better. Only 3 fights this week.
[smiles] Aww, that's sweet.
[knocks on Carly's bedroom door; comes in holding his blue laptop] So, guess a-who just finished editing iCarly's next fake movie trailer?
The same guy a-who edits all of iCarly's fake movie trailers?
[smiles proudly] Yes... [to Sam] Hey, cuteness.
Lips please. [Freddie leans down, gently lifts Sam's chin with his fingers and kisses her for 3 seconds]
[shocked in a good way] How did this happen?? You guys have a relationship, and I have a magnetic fish! [holds up the fishing rod she's been holding with a magnetic fish at the end]
[comes into the Shay's apartment holding a silver bar] Freddie!
Wow, Freddie! Your mom's here!
[puts the silver bar on the counter]
[looks at her; confused] What's that?
100 ounces of pure palladium.
Wow! So a bar like that must be quite valuable!
Oh, it is, it has a street value of nearly $100,000.
[raises his eyebrows; eyes wide]
[holding the bar; surprised] Whoa, whose is this?
Why would you give me something worth this much money?
So you'll do something for me in return!
What do you want me to do?
[loudly] Stop dating Sam!
[gets off the chair he was sitting on; looks confused and shocked] How'd you know?
It doesn't matter! [to Freddie] If you want that bar of palladium, you tell that no good Puckett to find some other boy to ruin!
You can't bribe me to break up with Sam!
[screams and rips a piece of her shirt; takes the palladium back from Freddie and runs back into her apartment].
[mouthing] Wow... [sits back down]
[annoyed and angry] I'm going to kill Sam and Freddie! [to Gibby] Are you sure they haven't texted you?
[to Carly] Look, I'm just having some juice.
[frustrated] Well, fan-bat-tastic! iCarly starts in thirty seconds, and I'm here, alone!
I'll try not to take that the wrong way.
[to Gibby] Alright, we're starting iCarly. You and me. Get up!
In 5, 4, 3, 2.. [as she sets up the tech stuff] I'm Carly! [looks to Gibby]
[stands there and smiles as he says nothing]
[keeps glancing at Gibby to say something]
[disappointed] And this has been iCarly. [turns off the web cast]
[to Sam and Freddie] So, last week you two made me your involuntary Couple's Counselor. Then you edited me out of "Super Bra" and tonight you made me do iCarly by myself.
[offended as he yells to Carly] What am I, a mushroom?!
[to Carly] Okay, you're making way too big a deal out of--
[to Freddie as she gently pats him on the arm 3 times] Hey, hey, hey this isn't about us missing the show...
[to Sam] She seems pretty upset by-- [Sam nods at him] Oh, right...
[rolls her eyes, annoyed] What's right?
[to Carly] Look, since Sam and I started going out [looks to Sam, then back at Carly], maybe you've been feeling a little--
[finishing his sentence] Jealous.
[looking shocked] Wh- wh- wh- wh? [scoffs] You two think I'm jealous of your relationship?
And maybe you were the one who let his mom know that we were going out.
SFSam and Freddie
[glaring at Gibby]
[sarcastic to Carly] Thanks, Carly! So much for secrets!
[runs to Gibby and throws him on the floor while screaming]
