“Desperation Day” quotes from How I Met Your Mother

Barney

Loneliness...the looming specter of Valentine's Day fast approaching...the two key ingredients to my favorite day of the year - February 13th, Desperation Day.

Robin

That's not a thing.

Barney

It's a thing. Much like Valentine's Day itself, Desperation Day dates back thousands of years. [Visualizes Roman-era wedding] Weddings were forbidden under ancient Roman law, so St. Valentine performed them in secret, under threat of death.

Ted

That's actually true.

Barney

Wait. There's more.

Ted

This won't be.

Barney

And right by St. Valentine's side was his best bro, St. Desperatius, there to pick off insecure bridesmaids.

Whoa! Check out that one, her body is a perfect X.

Player! Play on! High V. [high-fives]

Oh Jupiter! What are your plans for me? Fifteen and still unmarried.

And I thought Pompeii was smoking. [woman smiles]

Barney

Every woman wants a date on Valentine's Day. That neediness reaches its climax - what up - on February 13th. A magical night, when a ten has the self-esteem of a four and the depraved enthusiasm of a two.

Lily

Marshall, I'm going home.

Marshall

[pauses from game session with Ted, comes to Lily] What?

Lily

I'm flying out tonight before the big storm, and I want you to come with me.

Marshall

I can't right now, 'cause my mom needs me.

Lily

Well, I guess it's been helpful for her for you to be here playing Super Mario Kart for 14 hours a day...

Ted

[surprised] You have Super Mario Kart!?

Marshall

Hell, yeah. [points to cartridge. Ted gets it and loads into the SNES]

Lily

...but your mom doesn't need you. Your life in New York needs you, it needs you really bad.

Marshall

Baby, don't go.

Lily

[kisses Marshall and leaves] Please come home soon.