John Munch quotes from Homicide: Life on the Street

Why did you have Purcell take the body to New York? Why not just leave it in Baltimore?

When you've got someone working for the White House telling you they want some bitch to be itched, the drama's going to be thick. I got business interests in Baltimore; you know that. I figured I drop the body somewhere else. Besides, Chesley wanted to see some show on Broadway. Uh, some musical thing with a lion. Part of the contract was that I got a hold of some seats for her.

Munch

You paid a hitter with tickets to "The Lion King"?

Third row, orchestra.

Briscoe

Get ready for a federal subpoena.

Sheppard

What are you talking about?

Briscoe

Well, they laid one on us in New York this morning. They took every bit of evidence we had on this case. I figure you folks are next.

Munch

You drove 200 miles south to tell us that? Good job, Paul Revere.

Briscoe

I'm on my way to Washington anyway. You got a cup of coffee?

Sheppard

What's going on there?

Briscoe

The Independent Counsel shanghaied Chesley Purcell's shooter. When they found out he had nothing to say about any of the President's men, they got bored with him. They're returning him to our custody, and McCoy wants me to transport him back to Rikers, put him on suicide watch.

Munch

You're telling me that Ned Burks killed Chesley Purcell over a lesbian's love lost? Yeah, and Jack Ruby was a grieving patriot.

Briscoe

A cancer-ridden, grieving patriot.

Munch

Lennie, you precious rube! Amazing how all those years on the mean streets of New York have had so little effect on your sweet, childlike brain.

Lewis

A spoon.

Munch

I hate to disappoint you, Meldrick, but that's not the murder weapon.

No. What do you mean no?

Munch

I won't start an investigation without witnesses, a crime scene, without relevant information as to why that body is on that gurney to nowhere.

Don't detectives like mysteries?

Bayliss

Actually, we hate a mystery. What we like is when we're able to lock someone up right away. There are rules to this business, fundamentals. The phone rings, we pick it up, we write down the address, and we go to where the person was murdered.

Munch

The crime scene.

Bayliss

Exactly. That's what we call it.

Munch

The crime scene.

Bayliss

We go and evaluate and canvas the crime scene, hoping for witnesses.

Munch

Living, breathing witnesses.

Bayliss

We come here after we have processed and canvassed the scene. We do not come here to make the acquaintance of fresh murders.

Munch

Yeah, that'd be stupid.

Munch

Billie Lou, how many husbands have you had?

Billie Lou Hatfield

Three...

Munch

And how many wives have I had?

Billie Lou Hatfield

Three...

Munch

That's six exes between us!