Al Giardello quotes from Homicide: Life on the Street

Giardello

Let me give you some advice Tim. Never try to hustle a Sicilian.

Giardello

Let him talk; he'll talk all he wants. The more he talks, the deeper he steps into the crap.

Giardello

I sent Bolander and Felton on that conference because I thought it'd be good for them. How was I to know that when they got there they'd turn into Dumb and Dumber?!

Giardello

It's pretty, isn't it? The way the board just stands there. A silent sentry to the dead and gone. I love the way the red and black meld together in harmony. A haiku of color and vengeance. Uh-oh. Look here. You're upsetting the balance. You see, Mike, you need just a little red. This is too much. I'd do something about that. Maybe some more black. Keep me smiling Kellerman.

Giardello

[to Gaffney] Lewis in a dress? This interests you?

Giardello

All we need is a couple of facts. We already know the truth.

Giardello

Do I smell the acrid aroma of squad room discord? The breakdown of the collaborative process? 'Cause I'd hate to think that two of my carefully matched detectives are finding lumps in the honeymoon mattress.

Giardello

[at Beauragard Donald 'Beau' Felton's memorial ceremony] Bodies still fall. The phone still rings. We still fill out our daily run sheets and argue about overtime. The board still collects names... in red & black. But long after the cases blur, and fade entirely from our memory... we still remember our own.

Giardello

No recriminations, not yet. Not until we finish this. No one in the Mahoney organization sleeps tonight. We take everyone. We take every house, we kick in every door. Georgia Rae wanted a war, well guess what, she's got one. Now let's go.

Giardello

[to woman] Are you a lawyer? I hate lawyers.

Bayliss

Let me just say something, sir; this is where I've always wanted to be. You know what I'm saying? Homicide. Thinking cops. Not a gun. [Taps his temple] This.

Giardello

[Slightly bemused] That's very poetic.

Pembleton

[about Bayliss] He's okay, he's thorough, he learns, but he's a snail!

Giardello

Frank, if you were a homicide, who do you think I'd assign the case to? The snail.

Giardello

Bayliss, where's Pembleton?

Bayliss

Uh, I don't know, Gee.

Giardello

Don't say, "I don't know." He's your partner, you should know his every move, his every breath. Like a lover, he should never be far from your thoughts.

Bayliss

That was poetic.

Giardello

I'm in no mood for sarcasm.

Felton

We've been on the night shift, what, a week? Every night someone lights this candle by the board.

Giardello

You're a detective. Solve it.

Felton

A homicide detective. If the candle killed someone, I'd close the case.

Munch

Where's my old Stanley?

Giardello

Oh my god...

Munch

I can't wake up in the morning, I can't face the day unless I know he's gonna be more miserable than me! The whole world's outta whack, G! You gotta do something!

Giardello

Like what?

Munch

Order him to be miserable again!

Giardello

Aw, stop it...

Munch

Look Boss, it's for his own good, it's a safety issue, the guy's DANCING IN TRAFFIC... there's gotta be something in the books to forbid happiness... it's UNPROFESSIONAL!