Lennie Briscoe quotes from Homicide: Life on the Street

Briscoe

[referring to Ned Burks] I specifically asked the shift commander to put him on suicide watch. Unfortunately, at Rikers Island that seems to mean they stand around and watch you commit suicide.

Briscoe

Get ready for a federal subpoena.

Sheppard

What are you talking about?

Briscoe

Well, they laid one on us in New York this morning. They took every bit of evidence we had on this case. I figure you folks are next.

Munch

You drove 200 miles south to tell us that? Good job, Paul Revere.

Briscoe

I'm on my way to Washington anyway. You got a cup of coffee?

Sheppard

What's going on there?

Briscoe

The Independent Counsel shanghaied Chesley Purcell's shooter. When they found out he had nothing to say about any of the President's men, they got bored with him. They're returning him to our custody, and McCoy wants me to transport him back to Rikers, put him on suicide watch.

Munch

You're telling me that Ned Burks killed Chesley Purcell over a lesbian's love lost? Yeah, and Jack Ruby was a grieving patriot.

Briscoe

A cancer-ridden, grieving patriot.

Munch

Lennie, you precious rube! Amazing how all those years on the mean streets of New York have had so little effect on your sweet, childlike brain.

Bayliss

Welcome back, Lennie!

Briscoe

Bayliss, right?

Bayliss

Yeah.

Bayliss

So, as a rule, you can only cross the Mason-Dixon line if you bring a really screwed-up case with you?

Briscoe

Hey; if it doesn't make sense, it belongs in Baltimore - right?