Stanley Bolander quotes from Homicide: Life on the Street

Bolander

[to Dr. Blythe] Detective Lewis says you tend to have crabs...at the restaurant.

Bolander

This lady says to me, "Some of the men I know think its perverse; but I like to make love iguana style."

Bolander

I like that. He dies at home of a broken heart. It's refreshing.

Bolander

[to Munch] The depth of your stupidity frightens me sometimes.

Bolander

When I was young, a codependent relationship was a good marriage. Sometimes I wanna call my wife just to hear the sound of her voice; but I know that five minutes into that phone call, my blood pressure is going through the roof, the phone is sailing across the room, and I'm wishing that she's on a plane falling out of the sky. It's over. I know it's over. But I had to replace six telephones before I really got the hint.

Bolander

I didn't know Crosetti at all. I didn't want to. What ticks me off that I'm beginning to realize how little I know about myself. I don't know enough about who I am or how I do the job that I do to ask the right questions from my fraternal brothers to figure out what one of us is about. I keep trying to remember Crosetti. His desk was 3 feet away from mine and I can't even remember if we said any more than "hi ya" to each other for a whole entire year.

Bolander

A woman can affect a man totally. How a woman feels about a man, that's how he is gonna feel about himself, his friends, his job…

Bolander

You got two things right, you got a drug deal and a shootout, but not between those two guys! Lowe is lying wounded on the floor, and Cole is lying dead on top of him on his back!

Munch

...They shoot each other! [holds out his finger, mimicking a gun] BANG! BANG! Cole gets shot in the chest, then he spins around, falls over on Lowe!

Bolander

Okay, where's Cole's gun? We only recovered ONE gun!

Munch

So far...

Bolander

[angry] What'd he do, SWALLOW it?

Eh Stan, anyone ever jump off this balcony? [glances out a huge window onto the street] You know, did you ever have a killer, and you were just about to put him away, and he, like, made a break for it and he runs out the doors... AND OFF THE BALCONY ONTO THE DECK! [rushes forward excitedly, screaming and laughing] Ah, that's cool, man! That ever happen?

Bolander

No... no.

Munch

We got a call... Barney Street, shooting.

Bolander

Okay.

That's cool, man! Let's do it, let's do it, c'mon... fresh...

Bolander

Did he say things are gonna be 'fresh'?

Munch

[nods his head] ... 'Fresh'.

Bolander

[confused] You wanna tell me what that means?

Munch

It means... uh, neato, keen.

Bolander

'Neatokey'? I'm glad you understand these things.

Munch

Have you ever been high, Stan?

Bolander

Be serious, Munch.

Munch

I am being serious. They call it a high for a reason.

Bolander

Have you ever smoked dope, John?

Munch

I don't have to answer that.

Bolander

Nurse, can I have a cup over here? I'd like to test this man's urine.

Bolander

Why is it when a guy leaves 5 drops of coffee painting the bottom of the pot, he thinks he's immune from brewing a fresh pot of coffee?

Felton

Sorry.

Bolander

I mean, everybody is lookin' to duck something.

Felton

I said I was sorry.

Bolander

Why when you go in the john, there's always one piece of toilet paper stuck to the roll? Cause some guy thinks that if he technically didn't finish it, he's not responsible for replacing it?

Munch

Society is based on technicalities. It's the hallmark of late capitalism, Stanley. Figure it out.

Bolander

Same thing with milk.

Felton

Stan, I'm brewing more coffee.

Bolander

How come every time I open that refrigerator, there's one drop of milk left in the carton? So who has to go to the 7-11 and replace the carton of milk?

Munch

Me.

Bolander

That's beside the point. He's doing that on my behalf. He could be doing something else for me.

Munch

You know, Stanley, this woman, you gotta respect her. Why she goes out with you, I'll never know. As far as I'm concerned, your good fortune hangs right there with the great mysteries of life, right alongside the whereabouts of the lost tribes of Israel and the true meaning to the lyrics of "Lucy in the Sky with Diamonds."

Munch

I think I'll go look for a couple of those lost tribes right now... [walks away]

Bolander

I'm sorry 'bout him...

Oh, he's alright, Stan... you just don't understand him at all, do you?

Bolander

Nope, I don't... but then again, I don't need to.

Munch

We have the city of Angels, Los Angeles, Philadelphia, The city of Brotherly Love, and now, Baltimore, City of the Broken-Hearted. She asked me to marry her. Twice. She asked me. But I love Felicia beyond the immediate moment. I love her for all of eternity and so I know, she's too young. I tell her and here I see you, dallying with Linda. It is Linda, isn't it? My heart sinks to the floor to see your youth. Your fleeting youth. Come autumn, and autumn does come, doesn't it, Kay? You'll be sitting in that big bay window of yours...

Howard

What bay window?

Munch

Some other window you got. Whatever looks out onto the street.

Howard

Oh.

Munch

The rains will be falling; those first hard, vicious rains of the season and you'll wonder what exactly it was that broke you and Danvers up...

Danvers

Wait a minute.

Munch

You know what I'm saying Danvers. I can tell by your tone of voice, you know. You've been in that window, looking down, haven't you? Everyone will be outside, holding hands, being in love, and you'll wonder why you and Danvers are now just good friends. And you'll be standing somewhere by yourself, and there will be that song, that song. Doesn't matter when you hear it, when it comes on, it'll make you think of all those silly little things you did together. You'll break up, get back together, break up, get back together... Call it off for good, find yourself sitting up in bed next to her on one last desperate evening saying to yourself, I miss her. And she's laying in bed next to you thinking the same thing about you...

Bolander

Munch, if you don't shut up and shut up fast, I'll gut ya.

Munch

Truth hurts; doesn't it, Stanley?

Howard

Life is so depressing. Love is hopeless.

Danvers

C'mon, Kay. I'll take you home.

Howard

No, Ed. I need to be alone tonight. Goodnight.

Danvers

Thanks a lot, Munch.

Bolander

C'mon, Linda. Let's go too. [to Munch] I'll deal with you in the morning, and don't look forward to it.

Felton

Oh, so that's what cous-cous is.

Lewis

Where is it written a man can't try something new every now and again?

Bolander

Who's the dolly? Who's the dolly?

Lewis

What?

Bolander

I've never seen a man eat cous-cous unless a woman was involved. Who is she?

Felton

Lewis is in love with Emma Zoole. Let me clue you in on something, pal. Cous-cous is not gonna make a difference. I've gone the health food route. Stir-fry this, low-fat that; what this is really about is control. If you allow her to control what it is you eat, it's curtains. How much more primary, how much more basic can you get than what a man puts into his stomach? Munch and crunch all the veggies you want, but in the end, new girl or not, you're out. Because you did not take a stand and that's what this is about. Not health, not love, not living fat-free. This is about women trying to dominate men.

Lewis

It's just cous-cous, man.